Through my lookin' glass...

如果愛...

2009-08-20T12:13:00.001+08:00

方大同 ~ 如果愛

如果爱没有那麽烦, 我不会食不下晚饭
也不会多麽的堕落, 如果你说你爱我
如果爱可以更简单, 我也不会有这麽乱
整个世界在转, 你或许可以说你爱我吗

地图有东南西北, 爱情却不是绝对
跑很远, 累不累, 1+1不是2
虾米!无解的逻辑
我不问完美是什麽, 怀疑是什麽
明天你是什麽, 不後悔

黑夜有了你更美,让人自愿变傀儡
月憔悴,看不见, 我要爬上一座天梯
摘星星给你
我不管完美是什麽, 唯一是什麽
明天我是什麽,无所谓

无能为力.....

2009-08-17T11:16:00.009+08:00

石欣卉 ~ 无能为力

风空洞吹过一年又这么过
思念独舞成旋涡
雪失魂飘落明年该怎么过
思念撑不过寒冬

承诺太沉重你背不到最后
任凭我独自坠落
是我太执着就像那残留的灼火
微微弱弱颤抖

* 用所有爱过的回忆原谅着你
恨自己不能把过去放弃
此刻我却无能为力
我们的爱变成我自己的悲剧

干枯的眼眸留下一道裂缝
掩饰不了的伤口
荒凉的北风一阵阵刺进我胸口
拒绝着我的痛

无法忘记无法痊愈
我越是清醒越怕失去你
怪我太任性只盼时间将伤痕抹去
恨你我无能为力

用所有爱过的回忆原谅你
恨自己不能把过去放弃
你和谁创造新回忆
我一个人的悲剧不奢求你感激

Chasing pavements....

2009-08-02T09:19:00.033+08:00

Adele ~ Chasing Pavements
A lovely song full of soulful character that sis gene [correction: should be mojo jojo] told me about... ;) check out the cool mv...

I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I aint right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
This is love but,

If i tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what i need to do,
If i'm in love with you,

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

会呼吸的痛...

2009-08-02T03:51:00.006+08:00

梁静茹 ~ 会呼吸的痛

在东京铁塔　第一次眺望
看灯火模仿　坠落的星光
我终於到达　但却更悲伤
一个人完成　我们的梦想

你总说　时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天　就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛　连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上　张扬过哀伤
那是种多么　寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙　让我去流浪
在原地等我　把自己捆绑

你没说　你也会软弱
需要依赖我
我就装不晓得
自由移动　自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛　连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了
多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了
灵魂像飘浮着　你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候
陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳
怕心被人触碰　你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

You're my angel...

2009-08-02T03:06:00.006+08:00

Finally, the anticipated drama, Forensic Heroes II with some of my fav actors and actresses is on! Caught an episode recently, ending with a poignant loss of a loved one... and accompanied by this song... it's not particularly nice on its own.. but somehow it fits the moment in the drama so well that I could not help but feel sad for the characters... have a listen... you are my angel. =)

Loretta Chow 周美欣 - You Are My Angel
(TVB's Forensic Heroes II)

Once upon a time
Archangel in the sky
Made a cover every night

Once upon a time
The angel loved me so
It’s a miracle
In the snow, my heart won't be cold

My Dear
You are my angel
Tell me what you know
Something should be told

My Dear
You are my angel
Tell me where you go
I will prance behind your flow

Once upon a time
My angel gave me life

Yesterday once more....

2009-08-02T02:56:00.007+08:00

Kept hearing this song playing on cable telly and it really brought back primary school nostalgia... those good ol' days of childhood innocence and music lessons with the oldies such as this and "Morning Has Broken"... Sometimes, old is gold...
So let's go back to yesterday once more... =)

The Carpenters ~ Yesterday Once More
(TVB's Speech Of Silence)

When I was young
I'd listen to the radio
Waitin' for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile.

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.

When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

Lookin' back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed.

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away.

Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they're startin' to sing's
So fine.

All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry.

Just like before
It's yesterday once more.

The Best Mistake I've Ever Made

2009-05-05T12:41:00.003+08:00

Joanna Wang 王若琳 ~ The Best Mistake I've Ever Made

One step too far
多走了一步
All at once I'm falling
我的情感失控
Just like a star
像一顆星
I'm burning for you
我為你發光發熱
Thought I could keep myself from feeling this way
自以為可以逃避這樣的感覺
I guess that was my first mistake
我猜那就是我的第一個錯誤

Cause suddenly I'm walking
突然間我穿過幽暗的街道
Down a dark street to your door
走到你的門前
Wanting you is driving me insane
對你的渴望讓我瘋狂
And now my feet are standing
如今我來到了一個
Where they've never stood before
未曾去過的地方
Guided by a twist of fate
是命運的安排

If I lose myself with you tonight
如果今夜我和你一起失陷
Fall apart or hold on tight
分手或是相守
Wrong or right
對或錯
I won't be afraid
我都不會害怕
Cause even if my heart should break
就算會心碎我也無所謂
You'd be the best mistake I ever made
因為你是我犯下最美麗的錯誤

I'm in your room
我就站在你的房間裡
Now there's no denying
What's in your eyes
你的眼神也無法掩飾
When I look at you
當我看著你
Two shadows talking but they don't make a sound
我們的影子無聲的傾訴著
Words have lost their meaning now
所有言語都失去意義

And the air has turned electric
愛的氣氛四處瀰漫
Now I know the time is right
愛的時機已經來臨
To put myself into your hands
將我自己交給你
And suddenly I'm shaking
突然間我全身顫抖
As your fingers touch my skin
當你的指尖滑過我的肌膚
I don't need to understand
一切盡在不言中

And if tomorrow proves me wrong
如果明天能證明錯的人是我
I swear I don't belong
我發誓我若不屬於你
I know I'll carry on
我會好好往前走

So I will lose myself and bare my soul
所以我獻上赤裸的靈魂
Take this chance cause heaven knows
冒個險吧因為天知道
I'm so far gone, my choice is made
在我心中早已作了決定
And even if my heart should break
就算會心碎我也無所謂

When I lose myself with you tonight
如果今夜我和你一起失陷
Fall apart or hold on tight
分手或是相守
Wrong or right
對或錯
I'll always say
我一定會說
You're the best mistake I ever made
你是我犯下最美麗的錯誤

Although we've come to the end of the road... still I can't let you go....

2009-04-05T18:57:00.007+08:00

Playin on the radio on this rainy, wet evening... one of my classic favs...

Boyz II Men ~ End Of The Road

Girl you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart,
Why do you play with my mind?

Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye?

Well I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time

Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and I

Could you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go

Girl, I'm here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just ran out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you?
I'm here for you

I'm not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
Cuz you just won't come back to me
Will you? Just come back to me

Yes baby my heart is lonely
My heart hurts baby
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me go

Decided....

2009-03-14T02:40:00.027+08:00

It's 2.40am.... early morning... it's been a week of great communication and conversation with old & new friends.... a week of feeling sick and dehydrated... and an emotional upheaval too... I am sick & sick of being upset.

I recognise that I've changed. I recognise that some dynamics have changed. I recognise how stubbornly I've been holding on. I recognise for sure now that all this while, it's been a misfit. I've been shoving my feet insistently into a pair of shoes that does not fit me, for the wrong reasons... even though I do not love this pair of shoes enough anymore to feel like wanting to buy them.

A pair that seemed to have stable heels that gave me a sense of security at first... a pair that seemed to be different from all the shiny patent ones that I've seen so far... but maybe the material used is too hard for my delicate feet... which in turn makes them hurt in silent pain... the material's too rigid to ever contour nicely to my feet... or maybe I find the shoes too simple & matte now... I want to find a pair that's presentable enough for work, but yet comfortable enough for leisure... not something that only spells W-O-R-K all over it! I've decided to discard it to find the right fit... no point tormenting myself! Just like how Jimmy Choos ain't for everyone... the hefty price tag just ain't worth all the huge blisters I'll get! I will not be able to take it in the long run and just fall down the stairs. Misery should not be self-created. Yes, indeed. "I do have a choice." Suddenly, the shoe shop seems so big! =p No more time to waste!

I will not be forced to change just to meet someone's expectations and be on the same frequency as that person. If you're not comfortable with the concept of "me", you can forget about it.

P.S I am grateful for the friends who can really understand my mind, heart and soul! Thanks, Bestie & Bother... our friendship is indeed priceless, just like a glass of warm milk. =) * goes to sleep with a comforted soul *

Confused...

2009-03-10T18:25:00.023+08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged.... been busy with my mock papers... all the stress and stomach distress drove me nutzz... this time.. I had it really bad... but luckily... it's so much better after a trial and error marathon of medication... helps that I had lotsa encouragement from my dearest friends whom I appreciate a lot... =) Though my preparation's pretty last minute (as usual)... this time, I feel pretty satisfied that I did study hard for it! Now to prepare for the real thang!

Nevertheless, managed to catch a few movies.. the most recent ones being 'Changeling', 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' and 'He's Just Not That Into You'... Changeling gives a feeling of a woman's courage amidst despair... a show which I've enjoyed with Angelina Jolie's poignant acting, but left me wanting for no tears... next up.. I watched Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button... somehow I could really relate to the show and felt so sad for him... I also do not know what in the show really hit me... it literally worked out my tear ducts =p.... I guess it's touching when a woman not related to you by blood or skin colour is willing to love you, the peculiar child, just like her own child... and that it's really sad when some things cannot be helped in life and you just have to give up something or someone you really love, for that person's sake. As for the last one... it's a really hilarious movie that left me laughing in stitches.. I could feel the audience's empathy and and amusement at the dating mistakes being displayed in the show... it might be a little over-exaggerated, but I guess we can all relate to some of the traits and mistakes we've made in the show... heee.... HE"S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, my dear friends! =p ... 'Marley & Me' and 'Slumdog Millionaire' are still on my waiting list!

Had a great time on Saturday... I think I have not laughed so hard and so much for a long while.... everyone looked and sounded pretty cranky, but hey, that's the whole point of it right? To destress from the mundane life we have and have FUN! It's a pure waste of money if you do not enjoy yourself... Thanks for all the fun and laughter! =)

On a bluer note... I've been feeling bothered...
I could not sleep well for 2 nights and I've been trying to shake off this feeling of confusion, but I can't... so hence, I turn to here again...

It's strange how sometimes timing can affect the outcome of events or how you feel towards a person or object... It's like I've always thought I wanted this, but just when it seems like things are improving... when I'm closer to getting it, I am confused about what do I really want... my feelings about something might have changed over time... maybe I've been holding on to an empty illusion all this while... I just feel a little saddened and confused that I feel this way now... I wish I could turn back the clock... but I can't... maybe sometimes, there's really nothing left to save... when we're better off leading our separate lives... or maybe there still is... just that we all need time to start from scratch... I seem to be much more open about new encounters now but yet, I guess I'm still reluctant to let go of some things... stubborn contradictions just define my path in life so far... I have the tendency to follow what my heart tells me to do... but sometimes, is that the right way to go? Maybe we've been looking for love in the wrong places...

Seriously, I do not know... all I know is that I shall just see how things develop over time... having said that... exams are still priority for me... it's something I have to do for myself.. in order to move on and find something more fulfilling in life to do...

Another issue bothering me is the point of friendship, something that I've written about more than once... something that I've allowed myself to be more bothered about than I should have been coz it's totally not worth it... In fact, I've put all the unhappiness behind me, but this issue has cropped up yet again recently. Maybe I do sound excessively whiny / petty but I cannot believe some people are still the same, oblivious to all that had actually happened and still having the cheek to bear old grudges against me... well, through the hard way, I've learnt to be heartless towards heartless friends who are self-centred and are unhappy when the world's not revolving around them... people who fail to see the big picture and can only take their own happiness / unhappiness into account... forgetting what a gift it is to make others happy too in return by doing nice and sincere stuff.. forgetting it's not nice to blame people who sacrificed a lot to do most of the work just for your sake... forgetting your own part in the whole play of events too... forgetting it's not a very nice thing to pull a black face on a dear friend's happy day... forgetting that they are not "the universe"... forgetting it's not very nice to bitch about your friends behind their backs... seems like the norm of reciprocity does not apply to some... can such people still be called "FRIENDS", I wonder?

To sum it up, if you treat me just as an ordinary friend, do not expect me to do extraordinary things for you, especially when I've got high probability of being blamed... maybe it's all an misunderstanding... maybe everyone's pride have had been too strong... maybe some people are really that blur with a biased sense of perception... maybe it has never been true friendship... but no matter what, I've learnt my lesson, big time... focus on the right people and things!

Phew... got it outta my system.. and it feels great! I have really gotten my ample R&R yesterday and today... coupled with a jog, and maybe with some suntanning tomorrow... I'll be happy as a bird again.... lalala... =p and looking only ahead, even with all the bird shit in my path!

My needs, wants & wishes....

2009-02-11T09:36:00.120+08:00

If I had one wish...

Here's my wishlist...
I don't need a lot of wishes coz I'll be okay if I get one...

I need peace of mind.
I need to be focused.
I need no distractions.

I need a new phone that does not suddenly break down on me.
I need new track shoes to continue spinning around the track.
I need a new pencilcase for my upcoming exams.

I want a new handbag & wallet for all my barang barang.
I want to save more, ironically.
I want a new lease of life.

I wish to chill-out by the trees & sea, having my hair blown all messy.
I wish to smell the fresh air and blooms, in essence, nature.
I wish to be pampered suitably, not too little, not too much.
I wish to let loose and have some fun.
I wish to relax my soul.
I wish to be happier.

I don't wanna go into something that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't wanna accept something for the wrong reasons.
I don't wanna end up with a likely bad outcome.
I don't wanna go back the same way.
I don't wanna hurt myself & others.

For those who have wished to know...

I want someone:
With a great sunshine smile which makes me forget my worries.
Who complements my flaws just as well as how I complement his.
Who can motivate me to do what I'll normally procrastinate about.
Who can understand me inside out without me saying a word.
Who makes me feel comfortable and accepts me 100%.
Who's driven, but yet passionate about balance in life.
Who knows just how to cheer me up when I am down.
Who's not overly-emotional, but yet does not think
it's wimpish to cry when it really hurts at times.
Who's mature, but acts like a kid occasionally.
Who connects with me on different levels.
Who'll be by my side come what may.
Who loves the sun, beach & animals.
Who's sincere and optimistic.
Who makes me laugh.

I don't want & need someone:
Who's all bling on the outside, but possesses no substance inside.
Who asks what I can give him, instead of what he can give me.
Who's nice to me not becoz he cares, but coz of his own agenda.
Who finds it beyond himself to do nice stuff for others.
Who thinks that money & ambition's all-encompassing.
Who's too preoccupied with himself & his own life.
Who does not mean his sorrys & what he says.
Who makes me mostly more sad than happy.
Who lacks initiative & is totally insensitive.
Who can be a complete asshole at times.
Who does not believe in love anymore.
Who has totally no faith in me.

I wanna take up the job, but I can't?
I wanna go on to lead the life I truly desire.
I wanna think fate is kind to me after all.
I wanna think I'm not asking for the stars. =p

I want. I need. I wish... and I hope. I am a contradiction.

Red blooded woman...

2009-02-11T09:31:00.006+08:00

Count backwards 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Before you get too heated
You should have learned your lessons all them times before,
You've been bruised, you've been broken

Then there's my mind saying think before you go,
Through that door that could lead you to nowhere,
Has got you all romantic, crazy in your head,
You think I'd listen, no I don't care

Can't focus I can't stop,
You got me spinning round, round, round, round (like a record),
Can't focus, it's too hot.
You'll never get to Heaven if you're scared of getting high

My conscience saying, get down off the streets,
It's too dangerous and deadly,
Has got you talking round in circles can't you see

And as my friends say, stop before you fall,
I don't wanna pick you up again,
Has got you all romantic, crazier each day,
You think I'd listen, there's no way

Can't focus I can't stop,
You got me spinning round, round, round, round (like a record),
Can't focus, it's too hot.
You'll never get to Heaven if you're scared of getting high

Time just flew over the cuckoo (nest)...

2009-02-06T16:15:00.022+08:00

Time just flew over the cuckoo's nest... hectic lunar niu year came (was so tiring and fun with all the birthdays, springcleaning & visitations!) and now it's already february... which means it's only 14 weeks away from my exams... I guess at this point of time, I cannot be distracted. Maybe Heaven's testing my willpower... something always happens at the last minute... and I always do things last minute! haha... (I was also born in the last few minutes of the year... =p)

Had a good talk over dinner & yet another a.m coffee session with couzzy... thanks for listening and being so patient even though you have work the next day... =) It feels so much better now... phew... thanks too to my dear friends who constantly remind me about what I really want and need ultimately in life... I know it's all for my own good... but believe me when I say I am stronger than what I look like... I've hardened myself against manipulation... may I have the strength to carry on & I just wish I will not be swayed by you so easily again... I know deep down, you are still the same...

Talk about spot on gut instincts! It's scary.... it's the second time... bumping into A the moment I mention his name... it's been a while and he still loves to make people laugh... what a humourous guy! Miss those days in office...

Not to mention bumping into a few fake mccoys... hahaha.... it's becoming a comical joke... mention a name and a lookalike turns around the corner! Be careful of what you wish for... u might just get it... =p Ahh... we spotted a local celeb too.. with an ego problem... because he constantly noticed our attention on him... =p
Ahhh... wassup with chance encounters of late? I keep bumping into familiar faces!

Sometimes, it's funny how a stranger can light up your day... with just a great smile and light conversation... I realised you can make friends anywhere as long as you are open to people... in the lecture hall, when you're downstairs dogwalking and even in the cab! Wonder if by a brush of fate, will I get to see you again?

I hope for better days with peace of mind ahead... maybe a dose of mother nature / lavender will help me... together with a new pillow! * down with stomach flu & a serious neck-ache * In the meanwhile, nothing matters more than you, my dear books! Here I come...

So Now Goodbye!

2009-02-06T12:33:00.007+08:00

Kylie Minogue ~ So Now Goodbye

Remember when I saw you for the first time
I never thought you'd be mine
Then we went ahead and fell in love
Heaven was a common ground
We were never coming down
The two of us we had more than enough
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way too long
Started out with trust
But it isn't just about the good times baby

Remember all the promises we swore to
Can't say I didn't warn you
How I did adore you way back then (I did adore you adore you)
Ohhhhh
But you broke a solemn vow
Ha! you're paying for it now
Wouldn't you expect more from a friend
You and I are not the same
To you love is just a game
Things will never be the same again

So now goodbye
This time I will be gone goodbye
I stayed for way too long
I don't need you now
And I am oh so tired of excuses baby

Goodbye

This time I will be gone goodbye
Stayed for way to long this time
It all started out with trust
But it isn't about the good times baby

Ain't It Funny?

2009-02-06T12:24:00.002+08:00

Jennifer Lopez ~ Ain't It Funny

It seemed to be like the perfect thing for you and me
It's so ironic you're what I had pictured you to be
But there are facts in our lives
We can never change
Just tell me that you understand and you feel the same
This perfect romance that I've created in my mind
I'd live a thousand lives
Each one with you right by my side
But yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance
And so it seems like we'll never have the chance

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

Sometimes I think that a true love can never be
I just believe that somehow it wasn't meant for me
Life can be cruel in a way that I can't explain
And I don't think that I could face it all again
I barely know you but somehow I know what you're about

A deeper love I've found in you
And I no longer doubt
You've touched my heart and it altered every plan I've made
And now I feel that I don't have to be afraid

Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny
And you can't move on even though you try
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel
Oh, I wish this could be real
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life
And you don't want to face what's wrong or right
Ain't it strange how fate can play a part
In the story of your heart

I locked away my heart
But you just set it free
Emotions I felt
Held me back from what my life should be
I pushed you far away
And yet you stayed with me
I guess this means
That you and me were meant to be(?)

You can't play on broken strings...

2009-01-22T10:33:00.003+08:00

James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado ~ Broken Strings

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

Am I still the same girl?

2009-01-21T17:36:00.002+08:00

Swing Out Sisters ~ Am I The Same Girl?

Why don't you stop
And look me over
Am i the same girl you used to know?

Why don't you stop
And think it over
Am i the same girl who knew your soul?

I'm the one you want
And i'm the one you need
I'm the one you love
I'm the one you used to meet

Around the corner
Everyday
We would meet
And slip away
But we were much too young
To love each other this way

Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)
Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)

Why don't you stop
And look me over
Am i the same girl you used to know?
Why don't you stop
And think it over
Am i the same girl who knew your soul?

I'm the one you hurt
And i'm the one you need
I'm the one who cried
I'm the one you used to meet
But you are pretending you don't care
But the fire is still there
Now we are no longer too young
To love each other this way

Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)
Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)

Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)
Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)

Have you ever felt the need for something more
With every week comes scratching at your door
Have you ever stopped and wonder what it is you're searching for
Push your luck too far with me
But if you push it any further
You won't have any

Am i the same girl?
Am i the same girl?
(yes i am, yes i am)

More food!

2009-01-18T10:08:00.023+08:00

A continuation of flogging...

Ms Soon's ROM @ Dallas...

I am so happy for your found happiness, my dear friend.... =)

Chau Chau's Kong Long Day

In response to the Devil-misu, here's a cake fit for fuming dinosaurs... presenting the Dino-misu... complete with 黄 dinos in the desertstorm dessert...
Yes... 黄 Kong Long lived up to expectations by blowing cocoa dust all over! =p

What I got back in return... never thought I'll love braised pig intestines! Really comforting soul food... reminiscent of my fav bak ku teh... * counting the consumed calories post-meal * =p

Delicious Taiwanese beef noodles....

Celebration food for the soul!

2009-01-18T09:52:00.017+08:00

Food with family & friends in Dec... birthdays and all...
Some feelings cannot be expressed in words so... I'll let pics do the talking...
Thank You. =)

The Devil-misu.... tiramisu with a twist... Thanks for the movie & birthday treat, Chau Chau! =)

Really tasty & spicy... seafood aglio olio.... * drool *

My "birthday treat".... haha... the icy cold strawberry...

Really enjoyed this one... it's really "appetizing" =p

Cheese baked rice! I have not had this in a long, long while....

Thanks for the lovely cake! Reminds me of chocolate panna cotta... =)

Giraffe dessert cakes... in beautiful presentation....

Prawn Tagliatelle (tahl-yuh-tel-ee)...

Pizza!

Really lovely cookies!

Max Brenner's choc fondue with fruits and comforting warm cake... one word... chocolicious!

The Melicious Birthday... glad you enjoyed the sinfully sweet choc ganache marshmallow cream melted cheesecake! =)

To take the red or the blue pill? The brown or the purple cake?
(The culprit's the purple one? Hmmmz...)

My dear mummy's birthday! Hee... cake was kinda flourily disastrous... =p

My dearest doggie's seventh muffin birthday!

Dear old granny's 93rd birthday.... =)

Mini cakes...

Dad's spicy fare... sambal stingray & thick Indian curry chicken... fumingly delicious!

My sinfully superindulgent chocolate oozing cakes...

Another variation of chocolate molten cakes for Christmas....

Christmas pizza works of my creative cousins... =)

Christmas choc cheesecake & chocolate fondue time again!

Christmas goodies from friends and family!

Japanese dining @ Kushin Bo... was filled to the brim! Loved the sushi and mochi... in addition to all the snow crabs & teppanyaki meat...
* blurp *

Ohhh... it's been kinda crazy....

2009-01-15T16:07:00.006+08:00

Soul Decision - Ooh It's Kinda Crazy

If you want my love
Help me heal the pain in my eyes

Ohh it's kinda crazy
I've been thinkin' maybe
Gotta get you out of my mind
First you say you want me
Now your memories haunt me
Why don't you just give me a sign

I thought I had someone that
I could fall in love with
Someone who would treat me right
So I tried to be so kind
I thought for sure
I'd make you mine
but something's weighing up on my mind

Why don't you take my hand
And help me understand
Cause I can't figure out
What you're thinkin' about
Why don't you let me know
Don't want to be alone
Going out of my mind
Waiting for the day
You'll say you'll be mine

If you want my love
(Why don't you show me then)
Help me heal the pain in my eyes
(I know you want me now)
If you want my love
Why don't you tell me
Cause I've had enough of
Plastic people wasting my time

* Repeat chorus *

Thought I had, someone that
I could really care for
Someone who won't waste my time
(Don't lead me on)
But now I find that you lie
You're always out with other guys
Is that the way you're playing with my mind?

Why don't you take my hand
And help me understand
Cause I can't figure out
What you're thinking about
Why don't you let me know
Don't want to be alone
Going out of my mind
Waiting for the day that
You'll say you'll be mine

If you want my love
(Why don't you show me then)
Help me heal the pain in my eyes
(I know you want me now)
If you want my love
Why don't you tell me
Cause I've had enough of
Plastic people wasting my time

* Repeat Chorus *

Showed you all that I am
And I treated you well
Gave you half of my heart
But you tore it to hell
Give me someone who won't lie
And won't cheat on me
Baby up in my room
That's exactly what you asked of me
Baby if you want my love
If you want my love

Oh, yeah then why don't you just
Take my hand and help me understand
Going out of my mind
Waiting for the day that
You'll say you'll be mine
Baby if you want my love
If you want my love
I've had enough
I've had enough

Ohh, it's kinda crazy
(I've had enough)
Gotta get you out of my mind
(I've had enough)
First you say you want me
(I've had enough)
Why don't you just give me a sign

Had your chance but baby, u blew it....

2009-01-10T23:13:00.002+08:00

Kylie Minogue ~ Dancefloor

Good times, bad times, baby, you're in trouble
You stole my heart and you've given me up
And we're not even friends so how can we be lovers?
I want to know the truth
'cause I've had enough
I'm sick and tired of pleasing you
Have I had your love?
Is that the best you can do?
U can dream of changing my mind
But you're wasting your time
'cause if you think you've got me right, just watch me

On the dancefloor
Gonna lose it in the music
On the dancefloor
Got my body, going to use it
On the dancefloor
The best that you never had but now you've lost me
So come on watch me getting over you

Had your chance but baby, you blew it
U never loved me and baby, you knew it
And every time that you messed with my mind
I still believed in you
'cause I've had enough
I'm sick and tired of pleasing you
Have I had your love?
Is that the best you can do?
You can dream of changing my mind
But you're way out of line
'cause if you think you've got me
Boy, just watch me

On the dancefloor
Gonna lose it in the music
On the dancefloor
Got my body, going to use it
On the dancefloor
The best that you never had but now you've lost me
So come on watch me getting over you

Melodramatic mood...

2009-01-07T21:20:00.019+08:00

Alas... back to the melodramatic me... just finished watching 2 dramas, Miss No Good [不良笑花] & The Little Nyonya 【小娘惹】... now my eyes are all puffy... haha... (I know I am not the only one =p).... the former a modern romance comedy drama about the pairing of a fashion seemingly aloof stylist (Pan Wei Bo) with the ultimate fashion disastrous girl (Rainie Yang) with a lighthearted ending (leading to otherwise sane ladies saying 我要呼呼 Woohoo! =p) and the latter being the local drama of the year with a stellar cast... a nostalgic drama in an old fashioned Peranakan setting with lots of heart-rending, never-ending suffering, evil plotting, lots of cursing the baddies (everyone hates demonic Robert Zhang to the core, but someone I know of actually idolizes him rite... much to my exasperation as usual.. =p) and with a much heavier, realistic ending... so sad... hmmz I wonder which role can we all relate to the most in real life... alas... all the melancholy is getting to me... back to reality now! Haha but in the meanwhile, thought I'll share the lyrics to 2 of their theme songs here...

[不良笑花] 片尾曲插曲
楊丞琳 ~ 帶我走

每次我總一個人走
Everytime, it's only me walking alone.

交叉路口自己生活
Crossing the intersection and living by myself.

這次你卻說帶我走
This time however, you said you'll take me away

某個角落就你和我
to a corner where it's only me and you.

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑
Like the soil grasping the flower's confusion.

像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
Like the sky sticking to rain's turbulence.

在你的身後
By your side

計算的步伐每個背影
counting every step, shadow,

每個場景
and setting

都有發過的夢
that had once dreamt.

帶我走到遙遠的以後
Take me away to a remote future.

帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
Take me away (where) loneliness is self rotated.

帶我走就算我的愛
Take me away even if my love,

你的自由都將成為泡沫
your freedom, will all become foam.

我不怕帶我走
I'm not scared, take me away.

每次我總獨自遠走
Everytime, it's always me going far away alone.

抱著緘默不皺眉頭
Holding onto loneliness, not scowling.

這次你卻說一起走
This time however, you said to go together.

彼此溫柔從此以後
Our warmth from now on is

像土壤抓緊花的迷惑
like the soil grasping the flower's confusion.

像天空纏綿雨的洶湧
Like the sky sticking to rain's turbulence.

在你的身後
By your side

計算的步伐每個背影
counting every step, shadow,

每個場景
and setting

都有發過的夢
that had once dreamt.

帶我走到遙遠的以後
Take me away to a remote future.

帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
Take me away (where) loneliness is self rotated.

帶我走就算我的愛
Take me away even if my love,

你的自由都將成為泡沫
your freedom, will all become foam.

我不怕帶我走
I'm not scared, take me away.

白馬溜過漆黑盡頭
The white horse slips away and it's the end of darkness.

潮汐襲來浪花顫動
The tides are attacking, the ocean is trembling.

凝在海岸結成了墨 Oh~
Staring at the seacoast forming into ink. Oh~

薔薇朝向草原氣球
The rose is (facing) towards the balloon.

郵差傳來一地彩虹
The postman arrives with a rainbow.

刻在心中拍打著脈搏~
The throbbing of a slap is engraved into (my) heart.

帶我走到遙遠的以後
Take me away to a remote future.

帶走我一個人自轉的寂寞
Take me away (where) loneliness is self rotated.

帶我走就算我的愛
Take me away even if my love,

你的自由都將成為泡沫
your freedom, will all become foam.

我不怕帶我走
I'm not scared, take me away.

帶我走就算我的愛
Take me away even if my love,

你的自由都將成為泡沫
your freedom, will all become foam.

帶我走~
Take me away.~

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The Little Nyonya 【小娘惹】主题曲
Olivia Ong ~ 如燕

愿意合上眼才能美梦无边
Willing to close your eyes and you'll be able to dream boundlessly

别让悔熏乌了从前
Don't let regret cloud the past

也许碎片才能让回忆展颜
Perhaps the broken pieces can make past memories continue

何妨瓷花拼凑明天
Where porcelain flower assembles tomorrow

谁带我寻获幸福的模
Who leads me to search for the happiness mold

却自己谜中困锁
but landed himself in distress

谁为我留下缱绻的天涯
Who leaves behind the deep and unwavering horizon for me

信物是抹晚霞
The faith token is like the fading sunset glow

Chorus:
思念如燕它飞舞舌尖
The missing for you like a swallow dancing in the air with its tip of tongue

若是真爱配尝几分苦甜
If it is true love which blend with the taste of bittersweet

意念婆娑时间里推磨
The idea whirls and turning the millstone within time

追随到何处才结果
When will the chasing end?

燕如针线在青空缝编
Swallow like needle and thread sewing in the open air

几幅女红将以泪缀点
To make a needlework stitched together with tears of heroine

誓言斑驳情雾只是经过
The promise is a flaw and feeling of emotions is merely a process

风雨中且让我盈步婀娜
I walk through wind and rain with graceful steps

One year older...

2009-01-06T19:22:00.018+08:00

A new year... it was my birthday... and I'm one year older...

2008 has ended and with the passing of the new year, I am 27! Gosh... I still cannot believe how time flies... When I was 17, when my birthday still meant everything to me... the day I would turn 27 seemed so faraway and unreal. Never would I expect to want to have a quiet one this year... I just could not seem to feel excited about it... maybe it's a late 20s self identity crisis... maybe I was unwell... maybe I was just too tired... I just felt like a totally different person... more subdued...

I just had some downtime with friends and family... which was nice in its own way... I guess that's what I needed... dinner, drinks, singing and lotsa laughter! =) Of course, who could forget the poo-poo complete with flies nestled in a pretty box from my dear cousin and melicious fren? Haha... thanks for making me laff so much! Hmmmz did I happen to spot someone familiar in the crowd on New Year's day?! What a small world indeed...

I really appreciate all the wishes, lovely gifts, company and good food that I have gotten this December. * muacks to u people! * At the stroke of midnight, I received a couple of wishes, which was nice, really... including an apologetic wish from my sista in China (still waiting for my OCK curry puff wor), my nemesis TPH bro's rowdy proclamation of 'The Jiao Day'... haha... followed by my close friends & others, which was nice, really... the feeling of being remembered in small ways... it's the thought that really counts. =) (I'm not surprised at all that you forgot, but it's alright... it no longer matters now... 'Happy New Year' does not count... maybe you even did it on purpose... sigh...)

Looking back on the past year in retrospective, reflecting on things I could have done better and things I should not have done... my merits and failings as a person... I guess 2008 ain't perfect... there are 2 ways I can look at it... it's either a year clocked full of disappointments... or I could say it's a year full of surprises and one that I've learnt a lot from. I prefer to choose to think in a positive manner, no doubt with the constant help of people who are concerned for me, people who have sensed the weakness & sadness in me, but may not have witnessed me at my most emotionally vulnerable self...

Maybe I'm too prideful at times... I may often appear upbeat, cheerful and a bit cranky... but I guess it's my way of escaping... choosing to reflect on the best bits... instead of dwelling on the worst.. the ability to sense what's really within a person beneath the exterior and the urge to change something bad into good... BUT it's also this very same trait that leads to unnecessary lingering sentimental nostalgia of memories that should have been discarded long ago... and it's sometimes impossible to change some things... BUT I am after all, human. Some things are easier said than done... what a contradiction I am. My real bro told me that I should never start my sentences with BUT, because it just stands for defensive self-denial... a bad habit which I have kicked more or less... BUT 2 BUTS in a sentence? Contradictory, I guess. :p

I guess time will heal with my own determination... with that, comes the realization that people around me are waiting for me to be happy once again. I am truly thankful to my friends who care and worry so much for me... I guess I would prefer to describe what I went through as 'experiences', rather than 'mistakes'... because who does not ever make mistakes in their lives? Nobody's life is free from mistakes... you can erase a pencil mark, but you cannot really erase parts of your life even as much as you would wish to, because it's what you have went through that makes you part of who you are today. I would rather have lived my life, rather than not.... Would you rather have experienced joy and then followed by disappointment, or never have known joy all your life?

Rather than lamenting that life's unfair or people have had it easier than you, through the years, I have come to realise that every experience is there in our lives for a reason... for us to learn something out from it if we put positivity to perspective... this coming from a person naturally prone to pessimism... I believe everyone has their own difficulties... whining about things may help to release pent-up frustration for a while, but the most important thing is to realise that nobody can make the change except YOU. We may not be able change some of the things that happen to us, but what we are able to control are our own perspectives, choices and reactions. That's why people often fail to realise that our biggest enemy is not others, but ourselves. So very true at times. We often talk about people's idiosyncrasies, without realising that we may be like that too and that we often lose to no other than ourselves. We often forget we do have a choice to some extent.

I may have been in a daze and lost direction for quite a while... in fact, I also did not know what came over me... it's logic-defying... I have never felt so out of control. Actually I hated myself for it, and most probably I still do... maybe the wall I've built around myself has crumbled for a while... but as one philosophical friend put it, I should not beat myself over it and learn how to handle complexities better in future... I am still repairing the damage done... indeed, just as I've just learnt in class, satisficing (satisfying by sacrificing) is never an optimal choice... it's not what everyone wants, it's only the closest to what you can have. I think I've grown up... I am more aware of my actions and the impact they have on people. To hurt, whether intentionally or otherwise and to get hurt in return... is all part of life... we just have to learn how to deal with it and move on... high time to leave it all behind us in the old year called 2008... the pain and the hatred... and embark on the new year of 2009 where hopefully better things await us! Woohoo huhu! =p

Haha for a change after so many rich cakes! Multi-layer mini chiffon cakes!

Thanks gers for the annual angbao! This year's in such cute packaging! =)

Thanks gers! I lurrrve this! Beautiful scent in my fav purple!!

Yes... indeed... a lot has changed over the years... but some things remain the same! hee... * admires self reflection in the mirror *

Thanks for motivating me, cousin! I really appreciate it! =)

Thanks Dawnie for the meeeow pendant... =)

Lovely Korean chopsticks and stuff! Thanks ger!

Thanks bro, who knows I just cannot stop eating choc chip cookies! =p

He's thinking "I did not do that!"

"Hmmzz... as smelly as mine??"

He says Thank You! It's all his now! Hohohoo...

A silent toy...

2009-01-05T19:16:00.003+08:00

曹格 ~ 沉默玩具 Silent Toy

变成了一个影
隐藏了自己
爱情困难呼吸
我是沉默玩具

执着对你无限情
模糊我自己
不愿深深把爱情
输了你的游戏

你和他
对街拥抱
我看到

为什么爱上你的人是我
为什么一厢情愿的人会难过
为什么对你舍不的人总是我
爱上你需要那真情意
说在而情意

寂寞点点不休息
而让甜蜜却也忘记
幸福不再美丽
可是我会在意

这种对你的深情
我不会怪自己
不愿意深深的情意
输了你的游戏

你要逃
对决了拥抱
我看到

为什么爱上你的人是我
为什么一厢情愿的人会难过
为什么对你舍不的人总是我
爱上你需要那真情意
说在而情意
喔~~爱~~

为什么对你舍不的人总是我
还是你需要那真情意
喔~~爱~~

这么爱你的人会难过
为什么对你舍不的人总是我
还是你需要那真情意
说在而情意

世上真的还有奇迹吗?

2009-01-04T17:47:00.032+08:00

Hmmz... I am surprised by myself... my first piece of writing in 中文.

世上真的还有奇迹吗?

到今时今日
我还无法忘带
当你紧紧握着
我的手的实在感觉

当你静静陪我
看日落的温馨
当你靠在我肩膀
的熟悉自然

我对你的恨
与矛盾的留恋
对我来说
是一种折磨

大家都说
我是个傻子
我的顽固执着
只会令人担忧

但我只想找到解脱
需要在跌跌撞撞
的孤单当而之中
才明白了许多

我会把我们的过去
当作是一种成长经历
勇敢得重新站起来
学会了坚强

从之以后
我还能相信
世上真的
会有奇迹吗?

曹格 ~ 保护你

跳着你的心跳
抱着你的拥抱
爱最深多深
我不知道

沉默什么都好
心里什么在烧
幸福那么少
我竟然得到

月光太冷
海浪太吵
我把你裹进我外套
这双翅膀不飞了
因为守护你最重要

这一生一世让我保护你
就算跟世界成为敌
当你把手紧紧放进我手里
怎能不相信
世上真的有奇迹

数到五答应我...

2009-01-04T17:38:00.006+08:00

曹格 ~ 数到五答应我

第一次看着你就为你心动
聪明的我怎能让你走

第二次看见你我竟然失控
是我的错请你原谅我

第三次看见你想要告诉你
我真的爱你是真的爱你

第四次看着你我有些要求
请你能够安安静静的聆听

一.让我保护你
二.让我照顾你
三.所有的要求不能当作游戏
四.接受这命运
五.永远不分离
说你愿意

那最后一个一定要说你愿意
Wanna be your lover
Wanna be your man
我只要你开心多一点
我只希望给你多一点
Can you be my lover?
Don’t wanna be your friend
给你幸福到永远
给你幸福每一天

因为我 wanna be your lover
Wanna be your man
说你害怕因为受过伤
不需要害怕因为我不是他

你不是真正的快樂....

2009-01-02T16:56:00.000+08:00

Mayday 五月天 ~ 你不是真正的快樂

人群中哭着你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了你已经决定了

你静静忍着紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜就是越伤人
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深切切淡掉了

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了于是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则不是你的选择
于是你含着眼泪飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞地走着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你坐着却伤感着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后再后悔着

你不是真正的快乐你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂挂在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐你的伤从不肯完全的愈合
我站在你坐着却伤感着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了

你知道真正的快乐你应该脱下你穿的保护色
为什么失去了还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让配角全部结束在此刻重新开始活着

一个人失忆...

2009-01-02T16:44:00.004+08:00

薛凯琪 ~ 一个人失忆

你要旅行我还不能去
你不开心我还是不是原因
总不确定我还能够靠你多近
两个人翻来覆去

你的简讯是一般的语气
你的关心都有些小心翼翼
还爱着你我要怎麽才能适应
两个人只剩朋友关系

就让我一个人失忆
消失在你的世界里
就当我任性不懂体谅你
让我躲在角落安静的放空着呼吸

就算
我知道你也不愿意
消失在我的世界里
可是我不能再自然看你
装做两个人什麽都没有发生
一个人失忆

你的简讯是一般的语气
你的关心都有些小心翼翼
还爱着你我要怎麽才能适应
两个人只剩朋友关系

就让我一个人失忆
消失在你的世界里
就当我任性不懂体谅你
让我躲在角落安静的放空着呼吸
放空着呼吸

就让我一个人失忆
消失在你的世界里
就当我任性不懂体谅你
让我躲在角落安静的放空着呼吸

我知道你也不愿意
消失在我的世界里
可是我不能再自然看你
装做两个人什麽都没有发生

一个人失忆

如果你也听说...

2009-01-02T16:40:00.001+08:00

张惠妹 ~ 如果你也听说

突然发现站了好久
不知道要往哪走
还不想回家的我
再多人陪只会更寂寞

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我的快乐要被认可
委屈却没有人诉说

夜把心洋葱般剥落
拿掉防卫剩下什么
为什么脆弱时候
想你更多

*如果你也听说
有没有想过我
像普通交朋友
还是你依然会心疼我

好多好多的话想对你说
悬着一颗心没着落
要怎么附和
舍不得又无可奈何

如果你也听说
会不会相信我
对流言会附和
还是你知道我还是我

跌跌撞撞才明白了许多
懂我的人就你一个
想到你想起我
胸口依然温柔

许多话题关于我
就连我也有听过
我想我宁可都沉默
其实反而显得做作

如果你想起我
你会想到什么

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

2008-12-22T23:24:00.001+08:00

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.

December... a month of fairies...

2008-12-17T03:58:00.009+08:00

To me, December is a very special month...

It means... a metropolis decked out in fairylights.
It means... a time you allow yourself to ponder on fairies, elves & magic...
It means... air filled with nostalgia and silent hope...
It means... drizzling misty rain with a cool breeze embracing you...
It means... drizzling cranberry sauce over honeyed roasts...
It means... a good excuse to be sinfully indulgent...
It means... making merry with family & friends around the christmas tree...
It means... the festive season of sharing and giving...
It means... it's my birth month, along with other dec b'days too...
It means... the end of a year where u think back on the past year...
and wonder if you have been naughty or nice.... =p

Christmas / Birthday Wishlist....

2008-12-15T17:24:00.028+08:00

Think I have been more naughty than nice this year... I most probably will not receive a pressie from Santa then... but in case he changes his mind... so here it goes... =p I'll promise to be a good girl next year... =x

Christmas / B'day Wishlist '08

~ Intangibles ~

:: Peace of mind
:: Happiness for herself & dear frens around her.
:: To experience something different this year.
:: A thought is more valuable than anything expensive. =)

~ Tangibles ~

:: To have a relaxing, jazzy Christmas.
:: To see the NYE fireworks @ Prive's waterfront / The Jewel Box. (Caught beautiful ones at Zoukout)
:: To watch The Nutcracker / Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs / Another Crazy Christmas. ~ (Heee... gonna catch The Nutcracker this weekend! Another Crazy X'mas sold out...)
:: Diamonds & Platinum? =p
:: More $$$?
:: A new bag?
:: Anna Sui's Night Of Fancy
:: Ferragamo's Incanto Shine / DKNY Delicious range
:: Nourishing skincare.... L'Occitane lavender creams!
:: Anything shimmery or pretty! =)
:: Christmas goodies! Love sinfully dark chocolate fondues & gingerbread men!

Footnote update: Thanks for all the gifts! They're lovely! =)

All I want for Christmas is...

2008-12-09T11:35:00.004+08:00

Mariah Carey ~ All I Want For Christmas Is You
One of my Christmas song favs...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you.

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
(So brightly everywhere)
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
(Laughter fills the air)
And everyone is singing
(oh yeah)
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
(all i'm asking for)
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You

All I want for Christmas is you baby
All I want for Christmas is you baby

Last Christmas...

2008-12-07T01:50:00.003+08:00

Ding Ding ~ Last Christmas...
One funny Christmas clip...

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
Iâ€™ll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Happy Christmas

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Special
Yea yea

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A friend to discover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Saviour...

2008-12-05T01:34:00.001+08:00

Alicia Keys ~ Saviour

Ouu Baby now
I'm tellin' ya
When you need me
I'm there for you anytime
Ouu baby now
Just call my name
I'm running to get cha boy anything

I don't mind cause boy it's in my nature
I don't care cause that's just the way I am
I don't mind cause you're so deserving
Loving you with all that I am
Ohhhh..

After I've given my all
Will you be there to catch me if I fall?

Who's gonna save me?
When I'm empty
I need a someone to fill me
Will you be my saviour?
Rescue me
Cause when I'm out saving you
Baby who's saving me?

Baby I'm a special kind
Call at the last minute I'll be on time

I take an inch
And make a mile
Don't worry I gotcha I'll hold ya down

I don't mind cause boy it's my pleasure
I don't care cause that's just the way I am
I don't mind cause baby you're my treasure
Loving you with all that I am

Ohhh..

If I'm worn down and hung up to dry
If there's nothing left no more inside

Will you still save me?
When I'm empty
I need a someone to fill me
Will you be my saviour?
Rescue me
Cause when I'm out saving you
Baby who's saving me?

I'm a number one priority
Ain't nobody taking better care of me than me
Loving hard is my tendency
And I'm open and you are the one who's willing to just

Save me
When I'm empty
I need a someone to fill me
Will you be my saviour?
Rescue me
Cause when I'm out saving you
Baby who's saving me?

Will you be my saviour?
Baby, who's saving me?

If I were a boy...

2008-12-05T01:33:00.001+08:00

Beyonce ~ If I Were A Boy

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…

Smile...

2008-11-24T20:59:00.003+08:00

Lisa Ono ~ Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear maybe ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Just smile...

i want...

2008-11-23T13:49:00.002+08:00

i want... to eradicate the hatred in my heart.
i want... to have peaceful sleep without weird dreams.

i want... to have the freedom to achieve the things i want.
i want... to enjoy this festive season with dearest friends.

i want... to breathe in the fresh air amidst lush greenery.
i want... to smell the salty air and gaze upon the sea.

i want... just to have a peaceful, fairylit christmas.
i want... to have a meaningful one & bring joy to others.

i am...

2008-11-19T16:56:00.006+08:00

i am... happy that my effort has paid off.
i am... glad that i m motivated.

i am... worried & guilty.
i am... hopeful that things will be fine.

i am... confused no more.
i am... firm on my wants.

i am... wasting time no more.
i am... only looking forward. =)

(continuation...)

i am... not so happy with the service at the vet's.
i am... glad that it's just a molehill, rather than a mountain.
i am... just relieved that rie's alright. =)

P.S. I'm Still Not Over You

2008-11-19T16:16:00.001+08:00

Rihanna ~ P.S. I'm Still Not Over You

I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin' bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put 'em in a letter
But it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you you

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain since you been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin' right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin' on the t.v.
Boy it ain't easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you you
Still not over you yea

Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no...
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin' to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Oohh...
Still not over you
And how I have tried to forget you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get know better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothing to lose
Hope you to hear from soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

愛轉角...

2008-11-17T15:20:00.002+08:00

羅志祥 ~ 愛轉角

我偽裝著不露痕跡的
想在你身邊靜靜的陪著看著天邊
騎著單車往前行進著
某個路口愛在等著
你往前走不回頭看了
記憶的笑臉緩緩的敲著我的琴鍵
我不捨得讓你孤單單的
我愛你的心牽掛著

心不再拼命躲不去害怕結果
假設有個以後你會怎麼說
一直想跟你說幸福不再溜走
下個路口你會看見愛有美麗笑容

愛轉角遇見了誰是否有愛情的美
愛轉角以後的街能不能有我來陪
愛轉角遇見了誰是否不讓你流淚
也許陌生到了解讓我來當你的誰
我不讓愛掉眼淚不讓你掉眼淚
現在永遠你就是我就是我的美

心不再拼命躲不去害怕結果
假設有個以後你會怎麼說
一直想跟你說幸福不再溜走
下個路口你會看見愛有美麗笑容

北极星的眼泪...

2008-11-17T15:19:00.002+08:00

张栋梁 ~ 北极星的眼泪 ~ Tears from Polaris OST

像断了线消失人海里面
Like a broken piece of string that has disappeared in a sea of people
我的眼终于失去你的脸
My eyes have finally lost sight of your face
再等一会奢望流星会出现
Just wait a while desperately waiting for a shooting star to appear
愿如果真的实现
If wishes really do come true
爱能不能永远
Can love really be forever?
明天或许来不及变
Tomorrow's change may come too late
但曾经走过的昨天越来越远
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

* 北极星的眼泪说不出的想念
Tears from Polaris, thoughts that are unspoken
原来我们活在两个世界
For we live apart in two separate worlds
北极星的眼泪你哭红的双眼
Tears of Polaris, your eyes are red from crying
被淋湿的诺言淹没在心里面
Drenched promises are submerged in my heart
我抬头看着爱不见
I raise my head and find that the love has gone

再等一会奢望流星会出现
>Wait a while and hope that a shooting star shall appear
愿如果真的实现
If wishes really do come true
爱能不能永远
Can love really be forever?
明天或许来不及变
Tomorrow's change may come too late
但曾经走过的昨天越来越远
But the memories of our shared history grows dimmer by the day

当对的人等不到对的时间
When the right person cannot wait for the right time
就在放开手的瞬间爱撕成两边
In the instant when our hands separate, the love that we share is torn in two
整个宇宙都流眼泪
The whole universe is shedding tears

Xchanges... coincidences, closure, intellectual discourse & reflections...

2008-11-14T14:10:00.013+08:00

It's been exactly one week since I have blogged.. so here it goes... well well, SG's a really small world.... I bumped into 2 guyz in one night! Haha... talk about coincidences... I seem to have a knack for bumping into people... maybe my spot-on gut instinct's in play again... hee... anyway, it's been a week of catching up with friends, reminiscing & resolving some issues (you told me you were sorry... & that you were blissfully unaware of your shortcomings... though it's been all just mere talk, I accepted it and let's move on... no point living in the past because the fact remains that some things cannot be changed...) (yea sista, thanks for ya words of wisdom)... and oh yes... I have found joy again... and joy in playing the piano... it's been sooooo long since my fingers have really found delight in playing the so distant, but yet so familiar keys... still need lots of practice to feel really acquainted with the piano again... very rusty hee...

I really miss my piano teacher, Ms Erly Lee... a pretty, feminine lady with lotsa patience... especially for fidgety & lazy kids like me last time... sadly, she's been crippled from polio since young and walks around with a crutch... someone whom I really admire for living on so bravely and does not think she's some disabled person... there's no bitterness in her & she's even livelier than one with no disabilities at all... after she quit her regular piano teaching job, she hopped between students' houses, taking the bus with no complaint at all... she's someone whom I really respect and learnt a lot from.... I guess I was so lucky to have had her as a teacher... it has been 14 years since we have last met... I still remember starting off at the music school which continued into years... then when I was in secondary school, I would rush home after school to take piano lessons, get reprimanded for keeping long nails =p, pressurized by school work & extra lessons at the same time... those were the times... I wonder how she's doing now? Happily married with kids? I do hope so... she sure deserves that... it's only my regret that I did not complete it all the way & lost contact with her... no matter what, I feel oh so motivated again upon all those memories... Thank you, Ms Lee. =) I'll always be reminded of you when I play the piano...

Well, there has also been some political debate between me and some of my friends... do you prefer B-O-W? Senator Obama or McCain? Actually, I am glad that Obama has won, because I feel that he's what the American people need... a refreshing CHANGE and hope in the process... a icon that stands for the fact that race does not really matter... as his slogan goes, yes, we can CHANGE... applies to us too... for the better, I hope... Ah well brudder, I get ya point too... let's wait and see how this new US presidency will translate into what kind of CHANGE for Singapore & Asia.... in terms of trade policy... hopefully for the better too? =p Btw, for the record & for those frens of mine who think I am pro-Obama, I am neither a Obama or McCain fan... haha... (though I must admit I prefer darker, deep fried mantous, instead of the white, steamed ones to go with my chili crab, Captain... hee) hmmmz.... something else that's kinda irrelevant... since Obama's daughter's allergic to dogs, think the First Dog will be a hypoallergenic dog eg. a Poodle or Bichon Frisé? * thinks of my own Bichon Frisé pooch in the White House... * BOW! so cute right? =p) For those that dunno what I am going on about... check out this following article... in Today newspaper a few days back...

Having said that, I read up on Sen. McCain and have immense respect for him... him who narrowly escaped death during a naval mission in Vietnam, but chose to continue to fight on. During the following year, McCain's plane was shot down and suffered multiple injuries from the crash, and torture from the civilians & North Vietnamese military. He was imprisoned for years in the infamous "Hanoi Hilton" prison cell as a POW.... despite having given concession to go back earlier to the States, after the Vietnamese found out the identity of his family... dad & granddad with an illustrious 4 star admiral history with the US navy.

After having given that opportunity on his firm belief in first-in-first-out releases, he had to wait another 4 more years to be released from hell and had to undergo years of rehabilitation for his numerous injuries. He was lauded & admired for his heroic courage and his love for his country, above his own family. I think he delivered a humbly wonderful concession speech... a man not afraid to admit his defeat and move on... because after all, they are fellow countrymen who just want their country to do well...

Hmmmz, no matter what, in my opinion, these are two worthy opponents for the fight to the world's ultimate most powerful post. It's not an easy one, one too easily subject to numerous criticisms as to how you run the country, and in some sense, the world... US being the world's biggest economy... and it's no joke considering the volatile, ravaged state it is in now... I guess before we pass any criticisms, perhaps we gotta reflect on ourselves first?

A light jab at the election campaign: It's Time For Some Campaignin'!

Hmmz... as the papers suggest, is Singapore ready for a non-Chinese PM? Well, I think it's about time soon.... a pretty obvious candidate comes to mind... as the papers have also hinted at... someone whom I think can command the presence... well, time will tell...

(* disclaimer note: above text has no political or racist intention to it.)

眼淚成詩...

2008-11-14T01:36:00.003+08:00

孫燕姿 ~ 眼淚成詩

我已經　已經把我傷口化作玫瑰
I've already, already turned my injuries into roses
我的淚水　已經變成雨水早已輪回
My tears have already become rainwater, they have long since reincarnated
我已經　已經把對白留成了永遠
I've already, already eternalized our conversations
忘了天色　究竟是黑是灰
I have forgetten if the sky really is black or gray

分手傷了誰　誰把他變美
Our separation hurt whom, who made it beautiful
我的眼淚寫成了詩已無所謂
My tears are written into a poem, it already doesn't matter
讓你再回味　字不醉人人自醉
Let me remind you, words don't intoxicate people, people get drunk on their own
因為回憶總是美
Because memories are always beautiful

我已經　已經把絕情變成了恭維
I've already, already turned cruelty into flattery
因為不配　你就忽然自卑說聲失陪
Because we were incompatible, you suddenly felt inferior and said we shouldn't be together
我已經　已經把沉默變成了懺悔
I've already, already turned silence into confession
無路可退　只能無言以對
There's no other way, I already have no words to make things right

分手傷了誰　誰把他變美
Our separation hurt whom, who made it beautiful
我的眼淚寫成了詩已是無所謂
My tears are written into a poem, it already doesn't matter
讓你再回味　字不醉人人自醉
Let me remind you, words don't intoxicate people, people get drunk on their own
你的品味總是美
Your aftertaste is always beautiful

It's a question of faith...

2008-11-13T21:01:00.003+08:00

Lighthouse Family ~ Question Of Faith

Can’t see the truth in triggered words
Don’t need a mountain for a wall
See the big old moon spin around the world
Somehow it makes me feel so small

I know I’ve been living the simple life, really that’s the main thing
Nowadays nobody speaks about the way they feel about things
I know I need something to set me right, now it seems there’s nothing
Nowadays nobody thinks about a way to ease the suffering

Baby I know you’re the first thing
I believe in, honestly
How do you prove what you can’t see?
Well, it’s a question of faith
Baby I know you’re the first thing
I believe in, honestly
Say you don’t know enough about me
Well, it’s a question of faith

Don’t wanna complain, the weather could be worse
But I wish I’d learnt from my mistakes
Don’t really need no clever words
To understand what’s in your face

I know I’ve been living the simple life, really that’s the main thing
Nowadays nobody speaks about the way they feel about things
I know I need something to set me right; now it seems there’s nothing
Nowadays nobody thinks about a way to ease the suffering

Baby I know you’re the first thing
I believe in, honestly
How do you prove what you can’t see?
Well, it’s a question of faith
Baby I know you’re the first thing
I believe in, honestly
Say you don’t know enough about me
Well, it’s a question of faith

Hitomi wo Tojite...

2008-11-06T15:47:00.023+08:00

Ken Hirai ~ Hitomi wo Tojite (Close your eyes)

Asa mezameru tabi ni kimi no nuke kara ga yoko nii ru
Nukumori wo kanjita itsumono senaka ga tsumetai
Every morning I’d awake, you naked beside me
I’d feel your warmth, but your back was always cold
Nigawarai wo yamete omoi KAATEN wo ake you
Mabushi sugiru asahi boku to mainichi no oikakekkoda
Stop smiling so bitterly, open that serious curtain
the morning light is dazzling, but you chase it and me away every day
Ano hi miseta nakigao namida terasu yuuhi kata no nukumori
Keshi sarouto negau tabi ni kokoro ga karada ga kimi wo oboeteiru
That one day, you saw me cry, my tears shining in the setting sun
Even if I wish I wouldn’t, my heart, my body, they remember the warmth of your shoulder

Your love forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore dakede ii
Tatoe kisetsu ga boku no kokoro wo okizari ni shitemo
Your love forever
Close your eyes, let me paint your picture, even if my heart
becomes deserted through the changing seasons, this much would do me good
Itsuka wa kimi no koto nani mo kanji naku naru no kana
Ima no itami daite nemuru houga mada ii kana
One day, I would no longer be able to feel you here
It’ll be okay if I sleep on my side, hugging the pain inside
Ano hi miteta hoshizora negai kakete futari sagashita hikari wa
Matatakuma ni kieteku no ni kokoro wa karada wa kimi de kagayaiteru
That one night, I wished upon a star as we both searched for the light
The twinkle faded, but in my heart, my body, you still shine

I wish forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo soreshika deki nai
Tatoe sekai ga boku wo nokoshite sugi sarou toshite mo
I wish forever
Close your eyes, let me paint your picture, even if the world should
abandon me, this would help me get through it all
Your love forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore dakede ii
Tatoe kisetsu ga boku wo nokoshite iro wo kaeyou tomo
Your love forever
Close your eyes, let me paint your picture, even if my heart
becomes deserted through the changing seasons, this much would do me good

Kioku no naka ni kimi wo sagasu yo sore dakede ii
Nakushita mono wo koeru tsuyosa wo kimi ga kuretakara
Kimi ga kuretakara
I found you as I searched my memories, and it’s okay
because you gave me the strength I need to get over the things I lost
That’s what you gave to me

Serendipity....

2008-11-05T21:31:00.028+08:00

Last night, I had disturbed sleep... again.. it's been a week of not sleeping well... but today feels different... never mind the poor spirits due to lack of sleep... maybe keeping myself busy & immersing myself in work helped... maybe blogging helped... maybe music & television helped... maybe reading helped... maybe havin' supportive (and yes, crappy) frens helped too... maybe my own perspective on things seems to have changed... suddenly, everything just seems like a distant, bad dream... I feel so different now that I wonder if I am still the same person... or maybe I am just back to being myself again... but somehow something about me feels changed... maybe more subdued and grown up with a clearer mind? What used to matter does not matter anymore... what used to be good may not be good anymore... I am just glad that I am no longer blinded... =)

I feel more serene than I have been in a while.. like I am in a different time frame... looking back at things from a different angle... as I have learnt, futile hope can be dangerous... I am now stronger... more resilient than ever and most importantly, I know what I truly need at the end of a day... life's empty if I do not experience it fully, with all its sweetness, sourness, bitterness & spiciness... there should be no regrets... even if the road I took is less travelled, maybe I gotta go through twisty, winding long roads to reach my ultimate destination... though I feel weary, I can stop and enjoy the scenery on the way there... it's wealth of another kind... maybe like what one of my close frens said, 'you need to experience what's bad to appreciate the good.'... I realise I've come to treasure & enjoy the really nice things & people in my life more...

In a strange way, it almost feels like I have experienced serendipity... serendipity meaning making fortunate discoveries by accident... This English author, Horace Walpole came up with this term & explained that this name was part of the title of "a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of...." Just when you think you have stumbled upon something unfortunate, some fortunate discovery might have come out of it after all... coincidentally, it so happens that the house starred in the movie, 'Nights in Rodanthe' is called Serendipity in real life... (nothing to do with the movie of the same name)... a house known for its extreme proximity to the sea... but has been condemned since Mar due to its septic system being damaged after a storm with high waters... whatever holds for the future of this house, the beauty and charm of it has already been captured on film for all to behold...

Last night... I read this... "Everyone comes into our life, to teach us a lesson"... and I feel that it's rather true... different incidents & people constantly teach us something new at different stages of our lives and that may not be something bad after all.... maybe that's what you call fate... some things are meant to happen and some people are meant to come into your life, no matter how brief the respite is... just be grateful for the good moments... as long as our souls are not tarnished by extreme bitterness after all the stormy weather & roller coaster rides... hopefully, we can become someone we wish to be and we can look back and smile at our own past foolishness...

Way back into love...

2008-11-04T03:06:00.004+08:00

Music & Lyrics OST ~ Hugh Grant & Haley Bennett ~ Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on.

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
Oooooh.

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere.

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

All I wanna do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end.

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end.

Aching BAD-ly...

2008-11-03T22:02:00.084+08:00

Today's a new day and I am feelin' emotionally so much better.... but yet physically so much worse! Haha what a paradox... feels like I went to battle last night.... played less than 2 hours of badminton at faraway YCK.... yes on a Sunday night... haha kinda crazy timing.. but had lotsa sweaty & exhausting fun with you gers!! =)

The last time I picked up the racket was donkey years ago.... was kinda hilarious at first haha.. when I kept missing when serving.. but after a while, I got better? I think? hee... it's my first time really exercising since I started my weekly therapy visits to the chinese physician with a western perspective... after consulting him on this of coz haha.. but he did say I am still not up for running yet... knee cartilage's still too weak... =(

To add on to the battered feeling... I have a fresh blue-black from Saturday's TCM torture session & a strange, ugly blood clot that suddenly appeared on the sole of my foot after I wore heels for the first time in a long while recently (it better go away quick!).... together with a faint blueblack on my wrist... it all kinda came at the same time and basically, I just feel bruised all over... a picture speaks a thousand words... so here it is... yet another blueblack mishap pic from me...

Maybe like what Mr. Bad Minton said, badminton is BAD for me too coz I overstrained myself & my leg has started to really hurt again today.. (no wonder he's always singing Michael Jackson's BAD & mixing songs singing that I am a fool... no matter what, thanks for your 'Love, Truth & Honesty' remix track.. it's kinda tackily funny actually.. I know I can always count on you for hearty humour, brudder =))... but no matter what, great workout! Whack(o)ed all those bad vibes right outta the system... too BAD MJ wasn't singing "Beat it... just beat it!" haha... guess that will only happen if KJ(MJ) becomes our tennis coach ya... =p guess I gotta pick up swimming soon instead then... if I can overcome my fear of drowning...

Maybe being injuried has its benefits... been pickin' up my fav hobby again... reading! I am enjoying being a bookaholic again * big grinz * been going to the library and all... realised just how many books I used to buy.... when I was cleanin' out my cupboard till I was sweaty & sneezy... * secret of the day: I'm a closet nerd! * ... just finished Carole Matthews' 'The Chocolate Lovers' Club'... nice, comforting book just like chocolate itself! =) Btw dear ger, the deadline's 3 Dec.. hee I know u have forgotten... (based on ya blog =p) ... I'm now onto another one.... Jane Green's 'To Have & To Hold'... no wonder I found her name familiar... I actually own one of her books, 'Mr. Maybe'! (I can loan it to you, adel ; ))... haha sometimes, reading really does wonders.... even if it's just light reading, you can relate to it so much because you are undergoing something similar in your own life and find some solace in it... it always makes me feel better to escape into another world for a while.... and somehow after it, you will know better how to deal with situations in this real, mundane world...

Well... I still have plenty of reading to do.... with the myriad of books waiting to be read by me... haha... that day while waiting, I found quite a number of "buffettology" books in the bookshop... seems quite interesting to get into the mind of Warren Buffett and learn more about his methodology... of coz seeing his name reminds me of something totally of a different nature! Not buffetology.. mind u... I think every Singaporean is already very good at it... =p That's what I heard on the radiowaves one afternoon.... "Warren Buffet! Ooppz... Buffett right?"... haha what a joker...

My gut instinct's scarily spot-on accurate sometimes.... mostly regarding not so good stuff... just 5 minutes ago, just at the very instant when I had a feeling my friend will pull out of the Zoukout outing... (tics juz bought somemore).... he msned me all the way from China... in CAPS, asking if can find someone to replace him... and I even guessed the reason correctly before he said anything, which is a valid reason though... * piangz * it's too coincidental... my gut feeling always has its strange way of working... haha it's alright la, sista... u are allowed to be 重色亲友 this time... hee... it's more important... at most you'll pay for someone else to go on your behalf k, as promised.. any takers?

Anyway thanks, Captain for your 2 am lecture and listening ear... despite you being tired from a long day of work.. and of coz pocket-busting retail therapy =p.... what you said really makes a lot of sense... which is the same as what I have been thinking about... I'll bear it in mind... really appreciate it and yes, I'll repay u by getting well! =) Good night! * back to reading my novel & dozing off as instructed *

One last cry...

2008-11-03T17:38:00.000+08:00

Brian McKnight ~ One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie

I guess I'm down to my last cry
Cry......
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

All cried out... sleepless in sg...

2008-11-02T23:48:00.131+08:00

Now it's already 4.18 am... I'm sooo tired but cannot seem to sleep... my mind's full of running thoughts... These few days, I have been thinking through things... a good night's sleep's been eluding me & I've been tiring myself out (and some of my friends by chattin' incessantly) till 3 or 4 am every night till I can finally doze off to slumberland...

Well, this time, I guess the pain has hit me harder than I would admit.... I thought I could be as cool as a cucumber and be detached.. but I guess I am after all, human... not some cold, hard mechanical machine... it feels like my tear duct has finally been opened after these few years... the tears just keep flowin' when watchin' the melodramatic Korean soap drama, 'The Golden Bride 黄金新娘'.... especially this part about this woman who was going blind and waited 20 years in vain in Vietnam for this Korean man who promised he will return for her, but never did... she even bore him a daughter & never expected anything back from him in return... but yet he was too cowardly to acknowledge the very existence of her and their daughter because he will lose his family if he does so... by the time he realises the folly of his selfish actions, it might already be too late to receive forgiveness... and what a great excuse to let my emotions just flow...

I have not felt like that for a very long time... I guess I have been holdin' back for far too long.... but amid the realisation of it all.... when the hurt & the facts hit u straight in the face, that's when you really start to heal.... guess it's a kind of release for me... though I was so reluctant to give up and let go... it's all just too easy to slip back, forget.... and carry on... but I figured out since there's no way I can change certain things, there's no point... it's time to move on... after all, it's not what I want in the first place.... maybe, it's not even what I think it is... maybe I was just confused... I just want to be happy again... not engulfed in sadness and feelin' emo all the time... after all the dinner, drinks and laughter with friends, the emptiness still just comes back again to haunt me...

The worst part is not even knowing why I am letting you do this to me... havin' my hopes crushed time & again... being under your control like a doll... I do not even understand what's the big deal about you... what makes you think you can just pop in and out of my life as and when you please? I hate it when you do it & all the wrong words always come out of me at the wrong time... maybe I am just being spiteful... you were never there when it mattered the most... we cannot even seem to communicate on the same frequency... do you even know or respect me well as a person? Do you even truly care? You have put up a wall between us... I do not even know what's real and what's not anymore... I cannot read your unfathomable mind... what's the point really when there's no trust between us? If you really know me, you'll know better than to doubt me...

How can you talk about love when you do not even know how to do so? Maybe you do... just that I am not the right one for you & vice versa from the start... time really flies... it's been almost 5 months since we have had crossed paths in life... I guess I have no more time to waste on someone like u... waiting perpetually for u to come through... not that I am not understanding of your difficulties, but I'm sick of hearing the same old story over & over again... it's juz ain't enough for me and I just don't wanna care anymore... before I know it, this could drag on for another 5 years... by then... my heart, spirit, mind, body & soul will already be grey & weary beyond repair... Ironically, 5 years is also what's standing between us...

Someone recently told me even though he was hurt previously from past relationships, it's still better to love hard & give your best shot at the next one that comes along, rather than to withhold your feelings and be filled with regret... it's not being fair to himself or the other person... though it's only human nature to want to protect himself or herself.... it still does not give us the right to hurt others in return... someone like that ain't worth it... because you are not even considered important in his or her life... some good words that really put things into perspective...

Watched Nights in Rodanthe today with Miss Cinderella & Mister Mouse... just another reminder to me about what you can find in life that makes you happy without forgetting who you truly are... and who's really deserving of our time and attention.... it's never too late to start afresh... we girls were weeping.... and maybe even onto poor mousey's newly bought clothes... well... maybe some fairy credit has been earned after all... thanks for the great meal, company & crap jokes @ n.y.d.c.... really left us highly satiated... had a generous dose of sinful cheesecakes the mouse so loves... indulgence has never felt so heavenly... leavin' the Fairy Godmother imagining humans turning into mice & cats... (maybe coz it's post Halloween?) =)

A good friend of mine said there's only so much you can change for a person... it comes to a point when you cannot do it anymore... first and forthmost, know what you want... and then I realised I already have the answer... I cannot mold myself into someone different just for you... guess we are pretty much opposites & our wants are different... if something makes me more sad than happy most of the time, it's better to let go than to cling on persistently to something that's not meant to be truly mine...

I am surprised at myself... what happened to the happy-go-lucky me? I must have been insane & so out of character unexpectedly... it was not even me... but now I have found my sanity back... I'm a fool no more... do not take my kindness as weakness... u do not seem to understand what I really need & the reasons behind my actions. This is the choice I am making... I deserve more than this. I know that for sure. Despite so much angst, I empathise with you as you have it pretty tough in life too... it hasn't been easy for you & u have made it good so far... Though you appear to be leading a fulfilling life with brimming confidence & drive, I can still feel the jaded sadness with a twinge of bitterness in you... maybe it's the very same sadness that I was drawn to and is making me sad in turn... I can totally understand why you are holding back... so I do not blame you, really... I mean it... no matter what, I just wish for you to continue to do well & be truly happy... forgiving u is the best thing I can do for myself... keeping only the good memories... Thanks for the lessons about life & myself that I have learnt from you... it's not easy for me to say this... but I guess.. so this is goodbye, stranger... no regrets.

Have you ever?

2008-11-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

Brandy ~ Have You Ever

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
Just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Coz baby I can't sleep

Better in time...

2008-10-27T19:06:00.002+08:00

Leona Lewis ~ Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

亲爱的, 那不是爱情...

2008-10-23T16:55:00.001+08:00

张韶涵 ~ 亲爱的, 那不是爱情

教室里那台风琴叮咚叮咚叮咛
像你告白的声音动作一直很轻
微笑看你送完信转身离开的背影
喜欢你字迹清秀的关心

那温热的牛奶瓶在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

那温热的牛奶瓶在我手中握紧
有你在的地方我总感觉很窝心
日子像旋转木马在脑海里转不停
出现那些你对我好的场景

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

可惜不是你...

2008-10-23T16:41:00.003+08:00

杨宗纬 ~ 可惜不是你

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

重来好不好...

2008-10-23T16:30:00.005+08:00

杨宗纬 ~ 重来好不好

夜亦如此的頹廢
思念不放手讓我睡
你最喜歡聽的爵士音樂
幽暗的憂傷的殘念
而我站在照片的左邊
快樂離我越來越遠
每年這個季節特別有感覺
我好想你想再見你一面

讓我們重來好不好
再一次溫軟的擁抱
求時間停在這一秒
傾聽你的耳語心跳
許多事曾經是煎熬
回頭看,突然都明了
用一切換你的微笑

而我站在照片的左邊
快樂離我越來越遠
每年這個季節特別有感覺
我好想你想再見你一面

讓我們重來好不好
再一次溫軟的擁抱
求時間停在這一秒
傾聽你的耳語心跳
許多事曾經是煎熬
回頭看,突然都明了
用一切換你的微笑

就像在歌的轉折
總有一些期待,
真心才能詮釋的愛

我們重來好不好
再一次溫軟的擁抱
求時間停在這一秒
傾聽你的耳語心跳
許多事曾經是煎熬
回頭看,突然都明了
用一切換你的微笑

洋葱...

2008-10-23T16:11:00.005+08:00

杨宗纬 ~ 洋葱

如果你眼神能够为我
片刻的降临
如果你能听到
心碎的声音

沉默的守护着你
沉默的等奇迹
沉默的让自己像是空气

大家都吃着聊着笑着
今晚多开心
最角落里的我
笑得多合群

盘底的洋葱像我
永远是调味品
偷偷的看着你
偷偷的隐藏着自己

如果你愿意一层一层一层
的剥开我的心
你会发现
你会讶异
你是我最压抑最深处的秘密

如果你愿意一层一层一层
的剥开我的心

你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意
　
听你说你和你的他们
暧昧的空气
我和我的绝望
装得很风趣

我就像一颗洋葱
永远是配角戏
多希望能与你
有一秒专属的剧情

薔薇...

2008-10-17T23:25:00.004+08:00

蕭亞軒 ~ 薔薇

不知誰昨夜沒有睡
叫醒了那一朵紅薔薇
短短的就在這一夜之間
全然盛開是如此燦爛如此絕對

難道它也在想念著誰
莫非它也能體會我的眼淚
想起你我還會心碎鮮紅得好像
我心中那道舊傷口流的血

愛在心中百轉千迴
多想再見你一面
讓我知道你心中也感覺
我們的愛沒白費直到生命最後一夜
你和我還深深懷念
〔記得你我深愛過〕

我心中百轉千迴 Oh baby
我多想多想再吻一遍再愛一遍
我們的愛 Oh 沒白費
也許永遠仍深深懷念

Make it with you...

2008-10-15T13:28:00.004+08:00

Olivia Ong ~ Make It With You

Hey, have you ever tried,
Really reaching out for the other side?
I may be climbing on rainbows
But, baby here goes.

Dreams they're for those who sleep,
Life is for us to keep,
And if you're wond'ring
What this song is leading to

I want to make it with you
I really think that we can make it, boy.

No, you don't know me well,
In ev'ry little thing
Only time will tell,
If you believe the things that I do.
And we'll see it through.

Life can be short or long,
Love can be right or wrong,
And if I choose the one
I'd like to help me through,

I'd like to make It with you
I really think that we can make it, boy.

Baby you know that
Dreams they're for those who sleep,
Life is for us to keep
And if I choose the one
I'd like to help me through,

I'd like to make it with you
I really think that we can make it, boy.

I'll get back to you...

2008-10-12T20:37:00.019+08:00

Olivia Ong ~ I'll Get Back To You

I can tell you
I’m not gonna hide
But somewhere inside
I get shy when you're around

Cruisin’ feeling
I go up and down
In and out
Then on the ground
So what is this?
What’s happening?
What is it I feel for you ado
There’s only you that
Gets me goin’ hiding

There you are
Walking back, twinkle in your eyes
I see it everywhere I go
Tellin’ that twinges are not what I want from you
Take me to fairytale land
You don’t have to

Might yourself be,
Natural coz u know
I’ll get back to you
C’mon, feel the flow….

Tellin’ that twinges are not what I want from you
Tell you the truth, I just want to be with you
As you know, I’ll get back to you
Go with the flow

I can tell you it’s more than a crush
Coz somewhere inside
I’m gonna get u too

Cruisin’ feeling
I go up and down
In and out
Then on the ground
So what is this?
What’s happening?
What is it that I feel for you ado
There’s only you that gets me goin’ hiding

There you are
Walking back, twinkle in your eyes
I see it everywhere I go
Tellin’ that twinges are not what I want from you
Take me to fairytale land
You don’t have to

Might yourself be,
Natural coz u know
I’ll get back to you
C’mon, feel the flow.

Tellin’ that twinges are not I want from you
Tell you the truth, I just want to be with you
As you know, I’ll get back to you
Go with the flow...

Because of you...

2008-10-12T20:36:00.007+08:00

Ne-yo ~ Because Of You

Want to, but I cant help it
I love the way it feels
Just got me stuck between
My fantasy and what is real
I need it when I want it,
I want it when I don't
Tell myself I'll stop everyday knowing that I won't

I got a problem tonight,
(Don't know what to do about it)
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit,
but I doubt it I

Taking by the thought of it
and I know this much is true
Baby you.. had become my addiction
I'm so strong, I want you
I can't barely move,
but I like it
and then it's all because of you
(all because of you..)
and then it's all because..

Never get enough, She's the sweetest drug

Think of it every second,
I can't get nothing done
Only concern is the next time
I'm going to get me some
Know what I should stay away from
'Cause it's no good for me
I try and try, but my obsession won't let me leave

I got a problem tonight,
(Don't know what to do about It)
Even if I did, I don't know if I would quit,
but I doubt It I

Taking by the thought of it
and I know this much is true
Baby you.. had become my addiction
I'm so strong, I want you, (Strong I want you)
I can't barely move, (ohh)
but I like it (and i like it)
and then it's all because of you
(all because of you..)

and then it's all because..

Never get enough (Never get enough), she's the sweetest drug

Ain't no doubt (no doubt..), so strong I (strong I..)
Ain't no doubt (i said it ain't no doubt), so strong I
Over you (Over you), Over you (you..), Over you (you..)

Because of you and it's all because of you.

Never get enough, she's the sweetest drug

Keep bleedin'...

2008-10-12T19:07:00.003+08:00

Leona Lewis - Bleedin' Love

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep (keep) bleeding love (love)
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

只想爱你...

2008-10-12T19:06:00.013+08:00

杨丞琳 ~ 只想爱你

我终于还是说了一句我爱你
I've finally said the words "I Love You".
还记得那个微凉夜里天空正飘着小雨
Still remember on that gloomy, rainy evening,
心跳的声音像舞动奇迹
the sound of the heartbeat, felt like dancing miracles.

你看着我说千万不要爱上你
You looked at me and told me not to love you,
因为你只会让我伤心别傻了快点喊停
because you will only cause me pain & sadness, you said "Don't be such a fool!" as I quickly cried to stop you from saying any more.
你那么冷静忽远又忽近
You were so cold. Suddenly felt so close, yet so far away.

我知道我对你来说也许太年轻
I know that I may be too young for you.
我想我猜我问我终于了解
I thought, I guessed, I asked, I've finally understood.
原来为爱流的眼泪也是种甜蜜滋味
That tears shed for love could also taste sweet.

只想爱你当我和你走在一起就已经决
Just want to love you. I have already decided that when I am with you,
不看不听不问也不会放弃
I will not see, will not hear, will not ask, and will not let go.
是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定
It was you who made me understand how I can be so firm about love.

只想爱你好想每天睁开眼睛就能看到你
Just want to love you. I want to see you first thing every time I open my eyes.
我知道我偶尔有一点任性
I know that at times, I could be wilful.
不管你做任何决定究竟爱我还是逃避
It doesn't matter what you decided, whether to finally love me or to run away.

Sorry 我还是不会放弃爱你
Sorry 我还是不会放弃
我还是不会放弃爱你
Sorry, I still can't stop loving you.

A rainy, but lovely day!

2008-10-07T14:36:00.012+08:00

I just got totally drenched in the rain and was running home like some wet chicken... but ahhh... my mood's superb... =) for once in a long while....

After readin' & practising late last night and yes, last minute again... hee...
went early morn for the test today, lookin' like a sleepy panda... my efforts did pay off after all... I did pass it! =)... now on to the next one!
(Dun be discouraged, bud =p... we can achieve it eventually!)

After which, went to visit bud's bunny called Brownie... lovely, lovely lop-eared bunny! =) She sure had quite a meal, with us overstuffin' her with fragrant grass and vege sticks... haha... though she has lost part of her ear (due to a unfortunate domestic dispute in the bunny clan), the brave bunny remains a lovable bunny with a happy-go-lucky disposition... that's how we should be as well... forget about the bad stuff and live on happily... =) ...

Here's a snapshot of the cutie bunny:

Anyway, my fren, after our conversation late last night, I felt so sad for you & could feel your pain... bet you are hurting badly now that it has come to this... sometimes, the truth really hurts... but yes, you are right.. you can only accept it... You can slowly face the facts bravely in the face and become stronger... 加油 k! Only time will know... and only time can heal... though the process will take a while, before you know it... the wound will just become a dried scab that will peel off... revealin' renewed life... In the meanwhile, just hang on in there, will ya? Hope this bunny pic has cheered you up abit.. =)

This thing called L.O.V.E...

2008-10-05T21:12:00.111+08:00

Alas.. what a day it has been... when it does not feel like sunday... I cannot stop sneezin'! (someone's missin' or scoldin' me again? =p)

... a day for my fren who has no appetite for eating & shopping is needed to numb the pain... who was left with only a beautifully anguished farewell message & a world that has suddenly fallen apart with heart-wrenching pain... no wonder heaven's raining sympathetic tears down ... with friends undergoin' turmoil & tearful breakups in love... in fact, what's with the fluctuating emotional weather index of late?

Friend no. 1 havin' given more than what's been received... and as a result, the recipient cannot take the overwhelmin' pressure that came with it, alongside with other factors... while Friend no. 2 is receiving more than what he can take & is finding the other to grow to be too insecure & dependent for his liking...

... so it's like being on opposite sides of the see-saw... guess it's never easy to balance the see-saw... never as smooth-sailing as you will like it to be... isn't it? Someone might just fall down and get hurt... Did the other person unwittingly become a burden... or a pain in the neck? Inevitably, when things do not work out, mixed in with indecision, hurt & pain are in the equation... whether intentionally or otherwise...

Hope can be a cruel thing at times... like a double-edged sword... with hope, comes possible joy (at the beam of light shining through the rooftop) and equally possibly, disappointment... with no hope, there will be no expectations and no upsetting let-downs... but without hope, life's bleak as it keeps our soul alive...

As we grow older, our expectations for love most probably have also grown with our age... people growin' more realistic? It might be due to past hurts or mistakes... does being hurt & betrayed give you the right to hurt other people knowingly? Are we simply revellin' in the fresh challenge of pursuin' a tough nut? What if when idealism meets pragmatism? Does the idealist lose out? Do fairytales still really exist? Do chance encounters by fate end with a happily ever after... or will it become eventually, just a shattered dream? Guess scars make us stronger for life...

Friend no. 2 told me a story and it goes something like this...

A woman goes seeking for Mr Perfect all her life and finally found one...
... but... Mr Perfect told her: "I'm looking for Ms Perfect."

Sometimes, it does happen in real life, doesn't it? The perfectionist in us goes looking for one whom we deem worthy to be perfect or at least someone more ideal, whether in terms of looks, social status or desired qualities, consciously or subconsciously... but when we do find one, the "perfect" one might not view us in the same light... or maybe both are headed for different wants & paths in life... guess it can be pretty tough to find equal reciprocation... Ironically, we might not be happy with the people who can give us the things we originally thought we wanted... and vice versa...

Ultimately, the "important" factors may end up being unimportant... are material needs all that matter? Is the initial spark of attraction enough in itself? Do we only like the person at their best? Will we still be able to do so when they are at their worst? Questions we cannot really answer till we are put to the test... Lust in itself is not love... beauty does not last... wealth & power can be lost overnight... patience can turn to impatience... Is it even love in the first place, or something else?

Guess at the end of the day, it's nice to have a comforting shoulder to cry on & a reassuring hand to hold on to when things go awry, no matter what... and not someone who only stays by you when you are well and constantly criticises and tries to run your self-worth down when things go wrong... constructive criticism can be beneficial for personal growth, but it can go the other way too. It depends on the manner in which it is given and the intention behind it. Perhaps, hence the saying.. you are a truly blessed girl if you can find someone who loves you more than you love him..... still, a good position to be in if the affection's not balanced? The decision's yours... "爱情不应该是单方面付出的..."

Personally, I think love's about mutual fondness & attraction... grown into a willing effort to learn how to trust, respect & care for each other, with constant communication & exploration of the different facets to the other half... keepin' up with each other's steps in life... to ultimately create something to call your own... having the heart to understand the other person's needs without the need for many words to be spoken... bearin' in mind his or her feelings in everything you do... appreciating the good, accepting even the flaws & the things that comes with age & illness... slowness, bulges, hunches, wrinkles & all, findin' the humour in difficult situations & not taking harsh tempers to heart... easier said than done, of coz... who ever said it's easy? =p

Temptation & frustration are ever so easy to succumb to... even easier so if you happen to have no values in place... When u do have the good fortune to grasp true happiness in your hands, do treasure it... and never take it for granted... for all good things come to an end? Or do they not?

* Happiness is fleeting... so is sadness...be glad to have loved and lost... to have experienced the moments, rather than never... to have learnt and grown... learn to let go slowly and u'll find peace & a better land, my dear fren... the sadness will come to pass... if you ever need someone to lean on, know that your friends are always here for u... patiently waiting for you to find the rainbow that comes after the rain... just like how you have always been here for me... =) Hugz *

Man bags...

2008-10-04T03:02:00.008+08:00

Came across this article recently in Cleo and tot I'll share a lil on it... hmmz some of u might be interested in this... =p

Basically talkin' about men with emotional baggage, hence "man bags"....
which falls into a few categories:

1) The divorced
Expert's tip: Remind them of their attractiveness & try to eliminate their guilt by pointing out they are entitled to both happiness in life and a rewarding relationship.

2) The dad
Expert's tip: Let him know that you are entitled to be treated in a certain way and clear boundaries between his children and you have to be negotiated, esp when he can tend to be too pandering to his kids. Get introduced to his kids, even as just a friend so that they will not feel like sabotaging the relationship.

3) The cheated on
Expert's tip: Men like that fear history will repeat itself and it's often what people fear that they manifest. Some will behave in a way that lead to subsequent women cheating on them, leading to a snowball of suspicion. They need to examine the cause of the situation, rather than dwellin' on its effects.

4) The serial monogamist
Expert's tip: People as such often avoid their most confronting emotions, such as anger & humiliation. They deny themselves a grieving process that their new partner witnesses in the midst of the euphoria of a burgeoning relationship. It's a contradictory message that has some women doubting their self-worth. They need to be aware of this and can counter this through counselling.

5) The less successful
Expert's tip: Remove outdated stereotypes of a guy's primary role as a provider. Go dutch and let him pick up the odd tab. Establish equilibrium over time by lending support and affection through little gestures such as picking up the other person's drycleaning. It's all about expanding the role he sees for himself to more than just the money man.

Harry... Harried... Hairy... Harrie... & findin' back what I thought I have lost...

2008-10-03T18:39:00.069+08:00

Another update for the day...

As I have been readin' the last in the Harry Potter book series for the last few nights, the burning pain in my knee felt like the searing pain in Harry's lightning scar.. haha... happens to be coincidental.. it might have been the perfect time to read & finish the book, which my bro got for me quite some time ago but I never put my heart to gettin' down to it.. perhaps, it has helped to alleviate some of the pain? =p

Though my legs hv been goin' clicketty-clack & givin' me the painful sensation of cracklin' flames, the swellin' & blue blacks seem to be subsidin'... I guess with medication & weekly trips to the physician, it's slowly recoverin'... hope it will completely heal quickly~! Feelin' so restless, for there's limited stuff that I can do... no sports... no runnin' or even walkin'... no marathons & long walks... & gotta hang up my partyin' heels for the time being... I cannot even bear to sit on the floor for long! Alas... cannot be helped... if I want to be up and runnin' again! Anyway, guys, thanks for all the well wishes... =)

... and ahhh yes... I found back what I thought I have lost! What a SURPRISE! The cam's been with me all along haha... How absent-minded can I be?!?! I must have left it there in the drawer in a harried rush! Think I need more gingko nut supplements... haha... what a klutz i am! Overall, my mood's on the up... =)

One thing is so true... learn to let go... and what's meant to be yours will come back in the end... but ironically, when they do return, they might not seem to matter as much as they used to...

... just like how my cam returned to me when I have already gotten a new one to replace it.. however, no doubt that I was relieved and laughed at my foolishness...

Unfoolish... face it.. things are no longer the same... u gotta try much harder than that... over-ratin' yourself cockily has been a mistake... it does not take rocket science to figure out that what you say is different from what you do.... so please... mere empty words will not work... don't expect trust when you have done nothing to earn it... don't expect pple to give when you have given nothing in the first place... don't apologise when you do not mean it... don't pretend to care when you obviously don't give a damn and it's too late...the more you try... the more a 伪君子 u'll seem to be... if you need someone to tell you to do certain things, it loses all its meaning and there's no point in it, really... try tellin' me after u have done something...

Of late... been sick of hidden agendas...
now... I can't help thinking when someone asks me out for a innocent sounding movie, is it yet another disguised attempt to sell me an idea? Guess I gotta have the discretion to judge for myself... and sense the amount of sincerity behind it...

Well, tonight's a nice, lazy Friday night to finish up some chores and bring my dog down for a well-deserved walk... (he understands that I have put off walkin' him coz of my leg pain.. so he's been toleratin' d wait.. what a dear the hairy boy is... =p

... and oh I am not crazy, animals are cleverer than what we credit them for sometimes... as for mine, he's a deeply intuitive one who understands my thoughts without me sayin' them out verbally... something that even us as humans might have failed to do so at times... which is one of the reasons why I adore him so... =))

Just stand up!

2008-10-02T14:21:00.008+08:00

Various (Rihanna, Beyonce, Keyshia, Mariah...) ~ Just Stand Up

The heart is stronger than you think
It’s like it can go through anything
And even when you think it can’t
It finds a way to still push on though

Sometimes you want to run away
Ain’t got the patience for the pain
And if you don’t believe it
Look into your heart
The beat goes on

I’m tellin’ you that things get better
Through whatever
If you fall, dust it off - don’t let up

Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle
You need to know

If the mind keeps thinking you’ve had enough,
but the heart keeps telling you don’t give up

Who are we to be
questioning, wondering what is what
Don’t give up
Through it all - just stand up

It’s like we all had better days
Problems getting all up in your face

Just because you go through it
Don’t mean it got to take control - no
You ain’t gotta find no hiding place
Because the heart can beat the hate
Don’t wanna let your mind keep playin’ you
And sayin’ you can’t go on
I’m tellin’ you that

Things get better
Through whatever
If you fall
Dust if off - don’t let up

Don’t you know you can go be your own miracle
You need to know

You don’t gotta be a prisoner in your mind
If you fall - dust it off
You can live your life

Let your heart be your guide
And you will know that you’re good if you trust in the good

Everything will be alright, yeah
Light up the dark.
If you follow your heart

And it will get better
Through whatever

You got it in you - find it within
You got in now - find it within now
Find it within you - find it within

Through it all - just stand up

Sunshine!

2008-10-02T14:21:00.005+08:00

Gareth Gates ~ Sunshine

I'm the first to complain about the rain
'Cos I don't like it like that
But when I see the sunshine breaking through the clouds
I'm lovin' the rest of the day.

Come take a walk with me
We'll take our time as we
Watch our cares float away
This is a time when I
Don't even have to try
Hope this happens today

Whatcha gonna do about it?
Whatcha gonna say when I say
Baby, it's just one of those days
Whatcha gonna do today?
You can see that I'm smiling
There's no denying
'Cos the sun is shining
Whatcha gonna do today?
Whatcha gonna do today?

Since the clouds up above obstruct the sun
I'll be waiting indoors (I'll be waiting)
But when I see the sunshine breaking through the clouds
I'm lovin' the rest of the day.

Come take a walk with me
We'll take our time as we
Watch our cares float away
This is a time when I
Don't even have to try
Hope this happens today

Through the rain...

2008-10-01T00:45:00.009+08:00

Alas... the oct rain...

raindrops fallin' furiously on pavements...
crowds of pple gettin' drenched in the sudden downpour...
endurin' the constant, poundin' pain in my leg...
raindrops pitter-pattering on my windowsill...

Mariah Carey ~ Through The Rain

When you get caught in the rain,
With nowhere to run,
When you're distraught and in pain,
Without anyone.
When you keep crying to be saved,
But nobody comes,
And you feel so far away,
That you just can't...

Find your way home.
You can get there alone.
It's okay.
What you say is...

I can make it through the rain.
I can stand up once again.
On my own. And I know,
That I'm strong enough to mend.
And everytime I feel afraid,
I hold tighter to my faith.
And I live one more day,
And I make it through the rain.

And if you keep falling down,
Don't you dare give in.
You will arise, safe and sound.
So keep pressing...

On steadfastly,
And you'll find what you need,
To prevail.
What you say is...

I can make it through the rain.
I can stand up once again.
On my own. And I know,
That I'm strong enough to mend.
And everytime I feel afraid,
I hold tighter to my faith.
And I live one more day,
And I make it through the rain.

And when the wind blows,
And shadows grow close,
Don't be afraid.
There's nothing you can't face.
And should they tell you,
You'll never pull through,
Don't hesitate.
Stand tall and say...

I can make it through the rain.
I can stand up once again.
On my own. And I know,
That I'm strong enough to mend.
And everytime I feel afraid,
I hold tighter to my faith.
And I live one more day,
And I make it through the rain.

And I can make it through the rain,
And stand up once again.
And I'll live one more day,
And I, I can make it through the rain.
Oh yes, you can.
You're gonna make it through the rain.

Rooster Forecast '09

2008-09-30T16:55:00.002+08:00

Something just for fun... forecast '09 for my zodiac...
Fellow rooster peeps can take a peep too... =p

Hmmz... mine for 2008 has been pretty true to date, as most would agree...
Now let's see for 2009, shall we?

ZODIAC 2009
雞 Rooster Born in: 1933 1945 1957 1969 1981 1993 2005

Personality
Dramatic but a reputable person who works systematically Hardworking, resourceful, talented and confident. Vivacious and popular socially, but may have a tendency to brag insensitively. Outspoken and loves to attract attention. Always take good care of their family and can handle money well.

The Rooster, or Chicken as he is called, is the Don Quixote of the Chinese cycle. The dauntless hero who must look to the earth to survive, he is the most misunderstood and eccentric of all the signs. outwardly, he is the epitome of self-assurance and aggression, but at heart he could be conservative and old-fashioned.

The Rooster-born, especially the men, will be attractive, even dashingly handsome. The princely fowl is radiant and proud of his fine feathers and has an impressive carriage. You don't find any roosters slouching; they strut about with dignity. Even the shyest member of the Rooster family will cut a neat, trim figure and maintain a special bearing wherever he goes.

There are two distinct type of Roosters. The rapid-firing, extremely talkative ones and the deadly solemn observer types with the X-ray vision. both are equally hard to deal with. The Rooster has many outstanding qualities to crow about. He is sharp, neat, precise, organized, decisive, upright, alert, and most direct. He can also be critical to the point of brutality. Don't ever ask him his frank, candid opinion--you may never recover from his comments.

He loves to argue and debate, showing how knowledgeable and smart he is, some- times with little regard of the feelings of others. But when his feathers are ruffled in return, he is insufferable. He isn't cut out to be a diplomat. Situations regarding tact, delicacy and discretion will cramp his style. His way is to go about trying to convert everyone to his way of thinking with a missionary zeal. He shines when he is the center of attraction.

Tremendously imposing as a personality, he could well pursue any career that exposes him to the public eye.

The Rooster likes: Hard works, Fresh Air, Neat but Casual, Challenges, Nature and Control.

The Rooster dislikes: Laziness, Weakness, Technology, Illness, Practical Jokes and politics.

Compatible Animals: Dragon, Snake, Ox

Your Luck In Year 2009

Overall Forecast - Wealth vault opens widely, which provides you with great wealth luck. Nonetheless, be wary of potential lawsuits and conflicts. You feel energetic and ready to seize opportunities to strike hard. Perform to your best so that you can gain your superior’s good evaluation and trust. Those doing business can hope for predictable results and can push forward for expansions. Students with diligence can also excel among others. Take note of home safety. Do not speed. Purchase properties if possible.

Career - An auspicious situation coupled with streaks of danger. Have caution amid the good fortune. There is ideal progress for your career and work luck. Business deals and relation with others are sweet; a good harvest of reputation and money. Working persons enjoy abundant flow of productive creative juices, leading to great performance and promotion chances or overseas assignments. Female born in 1945 should not miss the boat.

Love - Roosters are very faithful when it comes to romance. But there is no breakthrough in romance luck this year because of severe mood and emotional disturbance. Thus, be more tolerant and affectionate to your companion. Pave a path of common goal and future. Married couples could go for a rejuvenating vacation.

Wealth - A terrific wealth and colourful year. But it is accompanied by streaks of danger too. Thus, it is clear that ill-gotten wealth has to be avoided. Caution against deceit by vile persons as well as any causes of potential lawsuits. Guard your great flow of regular income and windfall luck from thieves and robbers. Invest wisely.

Health - Rooster has always been very mindful of their health concerns. But do not be complacent when it comes to home safety. Even when the body is strong and energetic, it can succumb to fatigue from overdrive. So take adequate rest and exercise.

我忘了笑...

2008-09-29T23:17:00.009+08:00

After over-pondering pessimistically & being heavy hearted for the past few days, I realise that I am kinda back to normal today! I have found back my zest for life & learnin'... gave the heartiest laugh I have had in a while... have thought it through... I'll rather count my gains than losses... I'll just take the bad stuff as lessons to be more careful with my choices in life... 我已经把失去的当成了一种收获...

I'm done with thinking for extremely egocentric types who are only absorbed in their own world.
It's high time I think for myself.

I have to keep remindin' myself of my achilles' heel...
Everything happens for a reason, and it most probably happens for a good reason, no matter how frustrated I feel sometimes... sadly, u took my smile away...

I guess it's important for me to focus now on what really matters, or in other ways, what is really worth my time and effort... coz sometimes it's just ain't worth it (something I've been told a lot by my closest frens... seriously, I don't give a damn anymore)... there were times when I wanna scream in futility, but can't... wanna rant on... but can't... wanna let go, but hesitated... but now, I realise I truly can move on & smile again.... =)

It's never easy.. but as someone told me recently, pain's part and parcel of life... it's how we handle it that makes the difference... =p

Soul food...

2008-09-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

Hmmmz... excerpts from today's horoscopes that ring a bell...

"You will be asking yourself some important emotional & spiritual questions today... Don't let yourself disheartened by a failure, take patience! The last disappointments and disillusionments will be quickly forgotten..."

"Even though this rain...
I want to smile again...
& see colour on my cheeks again....
Have I lost it?"

Feel ironically lifelessly souless today in the pulsing heartbeat of the city amid the vivid colours & cheer... still reelin' from a spate of unhappiness.... findin' my way through all the pain....

... limpin' my way with fresh blue-black bruises from the visit to the chinese physician & havin' just paid a hefty price tag of over $400 for my own carelessness, my mood just sinked... through the crowd of spontaneous f1 grand prix goers who are all decked out for d occasion...

Maybe all I need for now... is some solitude... and distractions (in the form of donuts, some good ol' satay with f1 on the telly? =p) In all the excitement and drama, my pensive mood lifted off a fair bit... with the help of some good conversation, guess a good nite's sleep's possible after all.... =)

(* thanks to those who have lent me a listening ear & tried to cheer me up... though i may barely know some of u, but it's the tot that really counts... i appreciate it... really. thank u. =))

Say (All I Need)

2008-09-25T11:25:00.001+08:00

One Republic ~ Say (All I Need)

Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it

Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold

Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)

I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

I said all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head

Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it

第三者的第三者

2008-09-23T16:45:00.005+08:00

弦子 ~ 第三者的第三者

我简单回答一句还好
你点头微笑
说过得好就好
你不自然的礼貌
不停摆弄手腕的表
你想说的我已明了

我想现在的她很快乐
希望你晓得这样做不值得
虽然我们曾爱过
她也曾是第三者
但我不会让自己再重蹈覆辙

我很快乐
请不要再说爱我
别再触碰我心里还未伤愈的角落
习惯一个人的我
并不是缺你不可
如果你是爱我的
就别让自己再犯错

我很快乐
请不要再说爱我
我已经把失去的当成了一种收获
悲伤的剧情太多
曾经都侵袭着我
所以我不再做
这第三者的第三者

真實

2008-09-23T16:42:00.005+08:00

張惠妹 ~ 真實

你說的話　在我心中生了根
愛得很深　所以心會疼
記憶　在我的心中翻滾
是不是每一個人　都像我一樣笨

只怕再問　對彼此都太殘忍
我能感覺　另外一個人
我等　等笑容換成淚痕
愛在崩潰的時候　比較真

太多疑問　知道答案又如何
原來容忍不需要天份
只要愛錯一個人

心痛比快樂更真實
愛為何這樣的諷刺
我忘了這是第幾次
一見你就無法堅持

孤獨比擁抱更真實
愛讓人失去了理智
會不會是我太自私
拒絕更寂寞的日子

放不開　也看不見未來
難道這種不完美
才是愛情真實的樣子

If your heart isn't in it... I'm leavin'...

2008-09-18T09:25:00.006+08:00

Altantic Starr ~ If Your Heart Isn't In It

It’s a fragile situation
It could fall apart at any time
And none would be the wiser
Except you and I

It seems that we stopped talking
like we’re afraid to disagree
And after all we’ve been through
Can we still be that naive

If my heart isn’t in it,
why cant you tell me so
If my heart wasn’t in it,
I’d have gone long ago
If your heart isn’t in it
why keep me hanging on
Just tell me and I’ll be gone
from your life

You treat me like a stranger
as if I wasn’t there
I waited for a miracle
To make you show that you care

If your heart isn’t in it.
why can’t you tell me so
I can’t go to the limit
I have to know

____________________________________________________________
Corrinne May ~ Leaving

There’s a comfort in this darkness,
a familiar road, though I know that you,
you’re no good for me.
You’re a false alibi
You hypnotize, and you keep tempting me
to throw away eternity.

Time to wake up and shape up
‘cause you’ve got me right under your spell
for too long
Your promise is empty
go dig your claws in somebody else
‘cause it won’t be me

I’m leaving,
leaving this path behind
don’t need your sympathy
I’m leaving,
don’t try to change my mind

It’s a new day, a new way
Change is never easy
I know, but I’m not giving up, no.
You see I’m growing,
and I’m sowing
the seeds of life beyond this shell
Gonna be free
Break out from this cell

Leaving,
leaving this path behind
don’t need your sympathy
I’m leaving,
don’t try to change my mind
I’m leaving this path behind

Shake my faith
You’re never gonna break me
Take my strength
you’re never gonna make me
turn my back away from the truth
I won’t play your games
I’m nobody’s fool

I’m leaving,
leaving this path behind
don’t need your sympathy
I’m leaving,
don’t try to change my mind
I’m leaving this path behind

Do u remember... september...

2008-09-16T20:01:00.008+08:00

Mood: Pensive on a chilly night

Time flies and it's already September....

A resolution came to my mind... to avoid myself from backsliding in negativity.... there are a few types whom I decided I do not really need in my life...

1) Those who pry into my life because they are simmering in pure jealousy or just to satisfy their overwhelming curiosity, and not because they are concerned or happy for me... my advice is get a life of your own! U'll feel more fulfilled if u're willing to open yourself up to new experiences and people... ( I guess in a way, I should be happy... at least my life's worth tunin' to... =p)

2) Those who expect the world out from you, but give you nothing back in return, except blame. (nothing's free in this world, it's a two way street of give & take... reciprocation & appreciation...)

3) Those who need to step on you constantly in order to "elevate" themselves, because of their own inferiority. To me, this is nothing worth respecting...

I never thought I'll say this, but I learnt it the hard way.... guess sometimes, the saying is true... u gotta be cruel to others in order to be kind to yourself.... does not apply to all of coz... some good frens really deserve the extra mile...

Anyway, I guess I have learnt not to be too bothered about what others say because they know the truth based on their own perceptions... people have the right to freedom of thought & speech... but of coz my dear frens, I know who u are... no worries! kekee.... it's not the amount of time we spend together, but the sincerity that I can feel from you... i'll try to repay your kindness doubly in kind! Thanks for the patience!

As I am writing all these, my mind's in a twirl of confusion and uncertainty about the future.... not unlike the crazy markets nowadays... sometimes I wonder if I am walkin' down the right path and whether will everything be worth it or not in the end... hope i'll find my way through the rain soon....

Bad vibes vented out... now down to the nice stuff... Had a lovely time with family, frens and colleagues in the recent days... bonded and learnt quite a bit, whether in terms of work, or relationships in life.... I realised that being social and confident is a choice u make in life.... what you want to be is totally up to yourself and whether how happy you are with that choice...

Know I hv been puttin' off organising the Southern Ridges walk... hee be patient... haven't really feelin' well now.... it will surely happen soon, i promise! =p As usual, thanks to my faithful gang of kakis who always, always lend their ears to me! =)

A friend in need is a friend indeed....

2008-07-08T02:14:00.000+08:00

This is what a true buddy does. Getting me slippers that fit when I really need them!
Thanks bud for your help and had fun laffing at myself!
Would not have known what to do if you were not around! =)

I can't stand to fly... I'm not that naive... I'm more than some pretty face beside a train... And it's not easy to be me...

2008-07-01T14:40:00.001+08:00

Heard this on radio just now and sometimes i can really relate to this...

Superman ~ Five For Fighting

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it's not easy to be me

Up, up and away, away from me
Well it's alright
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me, inside of me
Inside of me, yeah inside of me, inside of me

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy…
It's not easy to be me

Just democratic dreams?

2008-06-30T16:10:00.000+08:00

Received this facebook email notification about this Burma (Myanmar) app and was reading up about Burma's democracy icon Aung San Suu Kyi who's still under house arrest and sacrificed her family nobly for her nation... even to the extent of choosing not to see her husband for the last time before his passing, all for the sake of national interests..... when I came across another lady who's a symbol of strength to the Burmese people, Nilar Thein...

Felt touched by her article on being separated from her daughter for 10 months by now and a wave of melancholic sadness came over me...

"I woke up from a dream in the middle of the night. I was with my daughter, playing in a small garden."

"We were playing hide and seek. I was looking at her from behind a tree. She was so beautiful, with the prettiest smile on her face, looking for me happily. I couldn't hide anymore. I wanted her to find me. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her face gently. I started to show myself to her, but, suddenly I saw three men -with black coats and ugly faces - watching from the shadows near my daughter. I stepped back. I wanted to be found by my daughter, not by them. I still saw my daughter, still looking for me with her innocent smile. I didn't want to hide anymore. I wanted her to find me, but these men would take me away and put me in hell. Then I woke up, with tears on my cheeks." ~ Nilar Thein, 19 June 2008

It's so poetic, but yet so sad and helplessly real.... a kind of pain that only mothers can totally understand.
The pain of separation through circumstances and the choice to b a nation's hope instead... I guess the choice is really not an easy one to make as most of us are much luckier not to be born in such circumstances... May these 2 admirable women continue to find the strength to fight on because in Burma, hope really hurts.

Link to article
US Campaign for Burma

Monday Blues-not....

2008-06-30T12:38:00.000+08:00

Today's a Monday... and I am bent on clearing my to-do list!
Well on the bright side, my mood's pretty back to normal... coz my appetite for food and sleep more or less came back haha.... maybe because I've thought some things through and the knee pain isn't ebbing as badly as before...

As for the past week, my gf brought me to catch the Sex N The City movie on Friday night... its kinky sense of humour lightened me up considerably... had a few good laffs.... thanks ger =) and i took the chance to ponder on bothersome issues while walking home for the one hour in the cool night breeze.... though the end result is still sweatiness... haha... the Southern Ridges park connector walk (starting from Mount Faber) with d gurls on Sunday was postponed... just as well... heee coz my leg was hurting from the injury and all that walkin' this week...

Went for dinner @ Vivo at Tung Lok with my family for my dad's birthday on Saturday... the Beijing duck's really good and the white chocolate espresso cake from Bakerzin's simply delicious... =) * drool * Glad that Dad was really happy.

~ Sometimes, it's the simplest things in life that makes you happy.

Shelter...

2008-06-27T18:17:00.000+08:00

Shelter ~ Corrinne May

What's wrong, what's getting you down
Is it something I might have said?
You're walking around
with your head to the ground
and your eyes are watery red

I know you've been through rough times
Kicked around, thrown to the ground
but you've always been the strong one
So don't tell me that nobody gets you
'cause I'm standing in your corner
Knocking at your door
You don't have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

We share a bond
You and I we belong
We're like coffee and morning trains
You strip my defenses
I catch your pretenses
The same blood runs through our veins
I swore I'd be your lifeline
Made a vow that I'd surround you with love at every milestone
I'll listen when nobody gets you
I'm still standing in your corner
Waiting by your door
You don't have to be alone

Just call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let me be your shelter my friend

It was not too long ago
You sought to understand
You helped me mend
Remember when
So promise me you'll

Call my name
Let me be an answer
'cause it hurts me to see you this way
I wanna ease your pain
Help me understand
Let my be your shelter my friend

Bruised, battered and weary...

2008-06-27T14:18:00.000+08:00

Been feelin' down recently and random thoughts are running through wildly in my head... so I feel like I have to put them down in words before I go mad...

Read my facebook horoscope today and as usual, it's pretty true...

"Feel free to pat yourself on the back if no one else does it for you. Paying attention to the details of the big picture continues as a number of important changes go on around you. The end result is what's important; how you get there is secondary. Unanswered questions may cause you to re-evaluate your beliefs."

For the chinese zodiac one: "Try to single out those of your acquaintances who deserve to be retained and cultivated; no pity for nuisances! At work, you must beware of the risk of catching at shadows. Opportunities will present themselves to you in more than one field; what's necessary will be not to let your chance go by out of carelessness. It would be time to ask for help if you cannot manage the situation alone."

It does catch some ball with me.... been feelin' oh so restless physically.... I guess it's partly due to the torn knee cartilage pain that has been haunting me especially this week... it's gotten so bad that it hurts all the time.... I can't sleep, can't eat, can't walk, can't run.... :( Due to recent complexities, I can feel the powerful surge of negative energy runnin' through me and been thinking a lot... worst thing is that I cannot exercise to vent out my frustrations! Arrrgh. I guess I juz have to put it to some positive use like completing my to-do tasks!

Emotionally wise, it's been a roller coaster ride and I just feel let down by human nature.... A sense of déjà vu hit me.... once again... and a sense of emptiness hits me.... lookin' back, would I have done things differently if I could reverse time? Maybe yes, but I guess I have just learnt another lesson on life... for real this time... Like what the previous day's horoscope was saying...
"Even if u end up back at d starting point, u feel as if you've been somewhere. You're pushing to get ahead, but u might b frustrated. Put your negative energy to good use."

As one close fren of mine reminded me again... "Learn to let go of something, and it's meant to be yours, it'll come back eventually." A philosophy that I live by.... coz it's so true...

Juz a thought... helping people without any expectation of returns is what I like and do not mind doing. A sincere and simple 'thank u' from the bottom of the heart would be a nice bonus though if I get it. I'll feel that everything I've done is worth it, even if I have sacrificed some really important things that matter to me the most. If not, at least I know I've done my part.

What I do not expect to get instead is the nonsensical behaviour of piling all the blame on to others when things go awry. If it's partly someone's fault, of coz the person cannot expect to be absolved of all blame; but pushing all responsibility for everything and anything that happens on that person is a selfish masquerade in play... Why sit down and wait till things happen, then blame it all on someone else who does all the work? Isn't it better to play your own part and take more initiative? Once again... a sense of déjà vu.... I m thinking we ain't young anymore, how can such childishness and lack of common sense still exist?! It's high time to grow up man.... really high time... Maybe the issue is not lack of sense, but the want to find an excuse for own behaviour...

I guess what's important is that I have done my best, given what was at stake and I can proudly say that out. Ignoring what others say about you when your conscience is clear is something I have endured and will endure once again. Through experiences, I'm glad to know that I have true friends who are nice to me just simply coz they want to, who really understand me, give me their 50 cents' worth point of view and stand by me when it matters.

True friends are not people who just wanna have fun with you, but are also people who are willing to ride out hard times together with you. To my closest frens who have helped, encouraged me; given me hope and light through all my emotional ups and downs, Thank You =) It means so much to me. Love u people!

The way to really get something is to make effort and earn it, and not stand by and get jealous of someone else's fruit...

All We Are....

2008-06-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

All We Are - One Republic

I tried to paint you a picture
The colours were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you and all along
you were shaded with patience
You're strokes of everything that I need
just to make it and I believe that

I walked a minute in your shoes
They never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose
I need to get some perspective on these words
before I write them down
You're an island and my ship is running ground

Time can tear you apart
But it won't break anything that we are, we are

We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break
We won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are
All we are is everything that's right
All we need
A lover's alibi

Every single day that I can breathe you change my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

Introspective.... Marchin' on...

2008-03-06T02:42:00.001+08:00

It's been a quarter into 2008 and I look back upon the past year.... the learning experiences I have had, the blessings which I have, my supportive friends around me and the many new friends that I have made in this course.

I have realised I have gained more than I have lost, though there are still things that I wish for.I have gained happiness, joy & friendship and it's a bond that should be treasured. Sometimes, it's the intangible stuff that matters the most.... so yup... I guess I should be content with my lot for now.

Life has always been a emotional roller coaster ride for me.... and only through its ups and downs, tears and laughter, that I can understand myself better and become a stronger person.... without any bitterness or regrets.... Life's too short for that! =) Time to move on again!