Alas.. what a day it has been... when it does not feel like sunday... I cannot stop sneezin'! (someone's missin' or scoldin' me again? =p)

... a day for my fren who has no appetite for eating & shopping is needed to numb the pain... who was left with only a beautifully anguished farewell message & a world that has suddenly fallen apart with heart-wrenching pain... no wonder heaven's raining sympathetic tears down ... with friends undergoin' turmoil & tearful breakups in love... in fact, what's with the fluctuating emotional weather index of late?

Friend no. 1 havin' given more than what's been received... and as a result, the recipient cannot take the overwhelmin' pressure that came with it, alongside with other factors... while Friend no. 2 is receiving more than what he can take & is finding the other to grow to be too insecure & dependent for his liking...

... so it's like being on opposite sides of the see-saw... guess it's never easy to balance the see-saw... never as smooth-sailing as you will like it to be... isn't it? Someone might just fall down and get hurt... Did the other person unwittingly become a burden... or a pain in the neck? Inevitably, when things do not work out, mixed in with indecision, hurt & pain are in the equation... whether intentionally or otherwise...

Hope can be a cruel thing at times... like a double-edged sword... with hope, comes possible joy (at the beam of light shining through the rooftop) and equally possibly, disappointment... with no hope, there will be no expectations and no upsetting let-downs... but without hope, life's bleak as it keeps our soul alive...

As we grow older, our expectations for love most probably have also grown with our age... people growin' more realistic? It might be due to past hurts or mistakes... does being hurt & betrayed give you the right to hurt other people knowingly? Are we simply revellin' in the fresh challenge of pursuin' a tough nut? What if when idealism meets pragmatism? Does the idealist lose out? Do fairytales still really exist? Do chance encounters by fate end with a happily ever after... or will it become eventually, just a shattered dream? Guess scars make us stronger for life...

Friend no. 2 told me a story and it goes something like this...

A woman goes seeking for Mr Perfect all her life and finally found one...
... but... Mr Perfect told her: "I'm looking for Ms Perfect."

Sometimes, it does happen in real life, doesn't it? The perfectionist in us goes looking for one whom we deem worthy to be perfect or at least someone more ideal, whether in terms of looks, social status or desired qualities, consciously or subconsciously... but when we do find one, the "perfect" one might not view us in the same light... or maybe both are headed for different wants & paths in life... guess it can be pretty tough to find equal reciprocation... Ironically, we might not be happy with the people who can give us the things we originally thought we wanted... and vice versa...

Ultimately, the "important" factors may end up being unimportant... are material needs all that matter? Is the initial spark of attraction enough in itself? Do we only like the person at their best? Will we still be able to do so when they are at their worst? Questions we cannot really answer till we are put to the test... Lust in itself is not love... beauty does not last... wealth & power can be lost overnight... patience can turn to impatience... Is it even love in the first place, or something else?

Guess at the end of the day, it's nice to have a comforting shoulder to cry on & a reassuring hand to hold on to when things go awry, no matter what... and not someone who only stays by you when you are well and constantly criticises and tries to run your self-worth down when things go wrong... constructive criticism can be beneficial for personal growth, but it can go the other way too. It depends on the manner in which it is given and the intention behind it. Perhaps, hence the saying.. you are a truly blessed girl if you can find someone who loves you more than you love him..... still, a good position to be in if the affection's not balanced? The decision's yours... "爱情不应该是单方面付出的..."

Personally, I think love's about mutual fondness & attraction... grown into a willing effort to learn how to trust, respect & care for each other, with constant communication & exploration of the different facets to the other half... keepin' up with each other's steps in life... to ultimately create something to call your own... having the heart to understand the other person's needs without the need for many words to be spoken... bearin' in mind his or her feelings in everything you do... appreciating the good, accepting even the flaws & the things that comes with age & illness... slowness, bulges, hunches, wrinkles & all, findin' the humour in difficult situations & not taking harsh tempers to heart... easier said than done, of coz... who ever said it's easy? =p

Temptation & frustration are ever so easy to succumb to... even easier so if you happen to have no values in place... When u do have the good fortune to grasp true happiness in your hands, do treasure it... and never take it for granted... for all good things come to an end? Or do they not?

* Happiness is fleeting... so is sadness...be glad to have loved and lost... to have experienced the moments, rather than never... to have learnt and grown... learn to let go slowly and u'll find peace & a better land, my dear fren... the sadness will come to pass... if you ever need someone to lean on, know that your friends are always here for u... patiently waiting for you to find the rainbow that comes after the rain... just like how you have always been here for me... =) Hugz *