A new year... it was my birthday... and I'm one year older...

2008 has ended and with the passing of the new year, I am 27! Gosh... I still cannot believe how time flies... When I was 17, when my birthday still meant everything to me... the day I would turn 27 seemed so faraway and unreal. Never would I expect to want to have a quiet one this year... I just could not seem to feel excited about it... maybe it's a late 20s self identity crisis... maybe I was unwell... maybe I was just too tired... I just felt like a totally different person... more subdued...

I just had some downtime with friends and family... which was nice in its own way... I guess that's what I needed... dinner, drinks, singing and lotsa laughter! =) Of course, who could forget the poo-poo complete with flies nestled in a pretty box from my dear cousin and melicious fren? Haha... thanks for making me laff so much! Hmmmz did I happen to spot someone familiar in the crowd on New Year's day?! What a small world indeed...

I really appreciate all the wishes, lovely gifts, company and good food that I have gotten this December. * muacks to u people! * At the stroke of midnight, I received a couple of wishes, which was nice, really... including an apologetic wish from my sista in China (still waiting for my OCK curry puff wor), my nemesis TPH bro's rowdy proclamation of 'The Jiao Day'... haha... followed by my close friends & others, which was nice, really... the feeling of being remembered in small ways... it's the thought that really counts. =) (I'm not surprised at all that you forgot, but it's alright... it no longer matters now... 'Happy New Year' does not count... maybe you even did it on purpose... sigh...)

Looking back on the past year in retrospective, reflecting on things I could have done better and things I should not have done... my merits and failings as a person... I guess 2008 ain't perfect... there are 2 ways I can look at it... it's either a year clocked full of disappointments... or I could say it's a year full of surprises and one that I've learnt a lot from. I prefer to choose to think in a positive manner, no doubt with the constant help of people who are concerned for me, people who have sensed the weakness & sadness in me, but may not have witnessed me at my most emotionally vulnerable self...

Maybe I'm too prideful at times... I may often appear upbeat, cheerful and a bit cranky... but I guess it's my way of escaping... choosing to reflect on the best bits... instead of dwelling on the worst.. the ability to sense what's really within a person beneath the exterior and the urge to change something bad into good... BUT it's also this very same trait that leads to unnecessary lingering sentimental nostalgia of memories that should have been discarded long ago... and it's sometimes impossible to change some things... BUT I am after all, human. Some things are easier said than done... what a contradiction I am. My real bro told me that I should never start my sentences with BUT, because it just stands for defensive self-denial... a bad habit which I have kicked more or less... BUT 2 BUTS in a sentence? Contradictory, I guess. :p

I guess time will heal with my own determination... with that, comes the realization that people around me are waiting for me to be happy once again. I am truly thankful to my friends who care and worry so much for me... I guess I would prefer to describe what I went through as 'experiences', rather than 'mistakes'... because who does not ever make mistakes in their lives? Nobody's life is free from mistakes... you can erase a pencil mark, but you cannot really erase parts of your life even as much as you would wish to, because it's what you have went through that makes you part of who you are today. I would rather have lived my life, rather than not.... Would you rather have experienced joy and then followed by disappointment, or never have known joy all your life?

Rather than lamenting that life's unfair or people have had it easier than you, through the years, I have come to realise that every experience is there in our lives for a reason... for us to learn something out from it if we put positivity to perspective... this coming from a person naturally prone to pessimism... I believe everyone has their own difficulties... whining about things may help to release pent-up frustration for a while, but the most important thing is to realise that nobody can make the change except YOU. We may not be able change some of the things that happen to us, but what we are able to control are our own perspectives, choices and reactions. That's why people often fail to realise that our biggest enemy is not others, but ourselves. So very true at times. We often talk about people's idiosyncrasies, without realising that we may be like that too and that we often lose to no other than ourselves. We often forget we do have a choice to some extent.

I may have been in a daze and lost direction for quite a while... in fact, I also did not know what came over me... it's logic-defying... I have never felt so out of control. Actually I hated myself for it, and most probably I still do... maybe the wall I've built around myself has crumbled for a while... but as one philosophical friend put it, I should not beat myself over it and learn how to handle complexities better in future... I am still repairing the damage done... indeed, just as I've just learnt in class, satisficing (satisfying by sacrificing) is never an optimal choice... it's not what everyone wants, it's only the closest to what you can have. I think I've grown up... I am more aware of my actions and the impact they have on people. To hurt, whether intentionally or otherwise and to get hurt in return... is all part of life... we just have to learn how to deal with it and move on... high time to leave it all behind us in the old year called 2008... the pain and the hatred... and embark on the new year of 2009 where hopefully better things await us! Woohoo huhu! =p

Haha for a change after so many rich cakes! Multi-layer mini chiffon cakes!

Thanks gers for the annual angbao! This year's in such cute packaging! =)

Thanks gers! I lurrrve this! Beautiful scent in my fav purple!!

Yes... indeed... a lot has changed over the years... but some things remain the same! hee... * admires self reflection in the mirror *


Thanks for motivating me, cousin! I really appreciate it! =)

Thanks Dawnie for the meeeow pendant... =)

Lovely Korean chopsticks and stuff! Thanks ger!

Thanks bro, who knows I just cannot stop eating choc chip cookies! =p

He's thinking "I did not do that!"

"Hmmzz... as smelly as mine??"

He says Thank You! It's all his now! Hohohoo...